Impossible to put a price on value of life

NOTE: I wrote this column three years ago, and it’s as true today as it was then.

What is the most precious thing you own? As surely as you live and breathe, it is life. Nothing matters more. Nothing is more valuable.

Why, then, do so many people value it so little?

Anything else in the world can be replaced by something almost identical.

Not so with a life. Each one is unique. Each is special. From the first heartbeat to the final breath.

People throughout history have tried to define and understand the meaning of life. We know it resides in a body on Earth. It begins with the single beat of a heart, expands with every breath and ends when the heart stops beating.

Yet, as special and mysterious as life is, too many people aim to destroy it.

In recent weeks a Berks County man was charged with murder as a result of a violent argument with his fiancee, a Montgomery County couple allegedly abused and murdered the woman’s adopted teenage daughter, a gunman went on a shooting spree in the Fort Lauderdale airport and is charged with killing five people. It’s a continuation of the violence, anger and hatred that seem to be growing in our society.

Why would a man shoot and kill his wife and three beautiful young children before killing himself?

Why do people take guns into schools, movie theaters and malls and randomly kill people they don’t know?

Why do protests over racial issues turn violent and deadly?

Why do radical groups fly airplanes into buildings and kill thousands or explode bombs on city streets?

Why do people who are unhappy feel they have a right to deny happiness for others?

Why do people who are angry believe that hurting or destroying others will satisfy that anger?

What is wrong with us?

There is no shortage of questions. There are few good answers.

It’s not just others whom we harm. Some people harm themselves. They make a decision that their life is no longer worth living, so they end it.

I often wonder why some people reach those points where they believe the lives of others or their own life have no value. How can things be that bad that the most precious of possessions is worth discarding?

Perhaps it’s because we have such high expectations of what life should be. Our wants overshadow our haves and needs. Shouldn’t life be enough?

Life in this world will end for every one of us, but that end should come in its own time.

I am encouraged when I read stories about people who fight against deadly diseases with all their energy. They battle for each additional day. They treasure every hour. Most times, I believe, that’s because they don’t want to be separated from the other important lives that surround them.

When a life is gone, there is an emptiness that can’t be filled for those left behind. It will never be replaced, but it can be remembered. Those memories are so much a part of the lives of others who remain.

For most people, it’s all about relationships. So we mourn when life ends for people who are close to us. Many of us also share in the sadness of tragedies that take the lives of strangers.

It’s in that caring and compassion that life as a whole in this world improves. Because the only way for good to overcome evil is for good people to do more good than evil people do evil.

The biggest threat to life isn’t disease or accidents. The biggest threat is hate. Especially when that hate is inflamed by bigotry, jealousy, intolerance and every other word that divides the human race.

So, what is this thing we call life?

We know it is a mystery that is beyond our understanding while we’re alive, but I believe that someday we will understand.

For now, after all of the questions and through all of the searching for knowledge and understanding, these are the things I have come to believe about life:

Life is a gift from God.

Life exists in God and God in life.

God is life.

Life is priceless.

What right do we have to take it away?

12 important facts of life

I’ve dispensed a lot of advice in recent years. Here are 12 facts of life I’ve learned that will help you to navigate this crazy and wonderful world.

1. For every positive there is a negative and for every negative there is a positive. Don’t expect that everything in life will be perfect according to your standards, and don’t believe that bad things always will happen in your world. Life is a roller coaster, so relax, take your hands off the bar and enjoy the ride.

2. You will fail. Consider those learning experiences. Success in life couldn’t be measured or appreciated if there weren’t obstacles and setbacks along the way.

3. Not everyone will like you. Don’t worry about them. Learn to like yourself. Not to the point of narcissism, but enough to appreciate your talents, your beauty and your personality – all the traits that make you you.

4. You can't have your own way all the time. All relationships require compromise and sharing. It’s all a matter of give and take. And the more you give, the more you will get back, sometimes in ways you never imagined. 

5. There are things you will want that you can't afford. Don't buy them anyway. Most times, those things that you considered so important at one point will be less valuable later. You will appreciate and value the things that you save for and wait for until you can afford them.

6. Embrace your skills. They are gifts. There may be things you want to do that you aren't good at, and you can work to become good at them. Or you can focus on what you are good at and use it to help others. I wanted music to be my passion, but I came to realize that I could do more good through my writing. In the end what matters most is discovering and using the God-given talent you have. You have many blessings, including some you may not recognize. Embrace them. Develop them. Use them.

7. People will talk about you behind your back. Make sure what they are saying are good things because you chose to do the right things in life. If the things they are saying aren’t true, the only way to prove them wrong is by living the right way. If you do, others eventually will come to know the truth.

8. You won't get some promotions you want, you won't be paid what you think you are worth and you won’t get all of the credit you deserve. Don’t let those things stop you from doing your best. Sometimes the rewards and recognition are in your own satisfaction or in the success of those around you.

9. Treat people with respect and kindness. Chances are you don’t really know others’ circumstances. You gain nothing through rudeness and cruelty. Everyone benefits from tolerance and understanding. Everyone deserves dignity.

10. Learn to listen, and listen to learn. 

11. You will die. Aim to make the most out of the time that you're alive and leave something good for those you leave behind. Spend time with those who are most important in your life, and don’t waste your years, hours or even minutes extending conflict, holding grudges and refusing to forgive. Your days on earth are limited, but your love can be infinite.

12. God will always be there for you. He will not abandon you. He will not fail. That’s a promise.

What will 2020 hindsight be?

For the past two decades I’ve looked forward to 2020. The year has a great ring to it. Perhaps there’s a hope for something perfect – much like 20/20 vision. Or will we see a crash before the decade ends?

There were other years that I anticipated for various reasons:

n 1976 because of the 200^th birthday of our nation.

n 1984 thanks to George Orwell’s book by that title.

n 2000 because it wasn’t just the start of a new decade and new century, but it also began a new millennium. 

n 2001 thanks to a film about a space odyssey. Unfortunately, that year became better known for the world’s worst terrorist attack.

We love to point to the expression “hindsight is 20/20,” and it is. Some of it is about second-guessing what we’ve done or what we should have done. I prefer to consider those things lessons learned.

Looking back can be interesting, especially when focusing on what happened 100 years ago – the Roaring 20s. The decade of the 1920s is remembered as one of changes.

According to pbs.org:

“Many Americans spent the 1920s in a great mood. Investors flocked to a rising stock market. Companies launched brand-new, cutting-edge products, like radios and washing machines. Exuberant Americans kicked up their heels to jazz music, tried crazy stunts, and supported a black market in liquor after Prohibition. A popular expression of the time asked, ‘What will they think of next?’”

And from history.com:

“The 1920s were an age of dramatic social and political change. For the first time, more Americans lived in cities than on farms. The nation’s total wealth more than doubled between 1920 and 1929, and this economic growth swept many Americans into an affluent but unfamiliar ‘consumer society.’ People from coast to coast bought the same goods (thanks to nationwide advertising and the spread of chain stores), listened to the same music, did the same dances and even used the same slang. Many Americans were uncomfortable with this new, urban, sometimes racy ‘mass culture;’ in fact, for many – even most – people in the United States, the 1920s brought more conflict than celebration. However, for a small handful of young people in the nation’s big cities, the 1920s were roaring indeed.”

There were many significant historic events during that decade, including this sampling:

n 19^th Amendment was ratified, giving women the right to vote (1920).

n First burial at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier (1921).

n Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) was created (1922).

n First game was played at the original Yankee Stadium. The Yankees defeated the Boston Red Sox 4-1 behind Babe Ruth’s 3-run homer (1923).

n First Winter Olympics were held in Chamonix, France (1924).

n Sears opened its first retail store in Chicago (1925).

n Magician Harry Houdini died from a burst appendix (1926).

n Charles Lindbergh made the first solo transatlantic flight, from New York City to Paris (1927).

n Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin (1928).

n Wall Street stock market crashed, starting The Great Depression (1929).

I wonder and worry about what this decade will bring. Will we look back on the 2020s as a decade of positive things, or will it also end with a crash? Too often, we fail to study history and learn from it. 

The year 2020 seemed so far away, and suddenly it’s here.

For those of us who grew up in the fabulous ’60s, the start of that decade is now 60 years ago.

For the first time in more than 20 years, we have a decade that can be called by its decade name – the ’20s. The last time that happened was the ’90s, because the teens and the zeros just didn’t sound right.

The next time there will be repeating double digits in a year will be 2121. Most of us won’t be here to see it, but I hope there is something good to write about when some retired editor looks back on 2020.

Reflecting on a needed break

(It’s been months since I shared my previous column. I hope to get back into frequent writing, but it won’t always be on a schedule. I may post columns once a week or once a month. There are too many things in life that are put on hold or missed when there are self-imposed deadlines. I also don’t plan to continue to send out email reminders about new columns. Please bookmark the link to this site and feel free to share the link with friends.)

If we’re smart, we never stop learning. Even if we’re not, we don’t stop learning. Which is why there is no doubt that we’re never too old to learn.

I’ve learned a lot during a three-month break from writing.

I’ve learned that I missed this.

I’ve learned that writing shouldn’t be a burden, and that when it is, I need to take a break, which I did.

That wasn’t all I learned. Some of our best lessons are learned the hard way. Literally.

For example, I learned that when you need to get a box from a high shelf in the garage, you should climb on a ladder and not onto a chair and then onto a shelf, even if you’ve done it the lazy way 100 times before.

I learned that concrete floors are very hard. I learned that a deep bruise is better than a broken hip, but it still causes a lot of pain.

I learned that crutches are an important inconvenience.

I learned that being pushed around Disney in a wheel chair is not fun. I also discovered that many people will help you when you are not able to walk, but many others will cut in front of you so they won’t be slowed down by your disability. Many others are so focused on their phone that they don’t pay attention to where they are walking.

I learned how much I missed walking. I learned how much I took for granted being able to get up and move without a second thought or sharp pain.

I learned that when you are temporarily incapacitated, you have more time to think about things in life. Sometimes that is good; sometimes not.

I thought about how quickly and permanently things can change in life, especially with those who are important to us. I thought about how much I miss time with family members who are far away.

I thought about how much we worry about things that aren’t that important, and how little thought and time we give to those who are.

I thought about why we get angry or impatient with those close to us. I thought about the importance of forgiveness. I wondered, and still do, why we make life so complicated.

Sometimes I thought about how quickly life passes, and how quickly special people pass from our lives. Several times I kept hearing the lyrics “Life’s about changing, nothing ever stays the same” by songwriters Burton Collins and Karen Taylor-Good in the Patty Loveless song, “How can I help you say goodbye.” Contrary to another line in that song, time doesn’t always ease the pain.

Things do change, and as difficult as it may be, we need to accept that and not let the past dampen the present or damage the future.

I thought about what is happening in our country because of all the political division.

I thought about what is happening in our families because we don’t spend enough time together and aren’t willing to repair conflicts.

I thought about those who are less fortunate and wondered why more of us don’t do more to help them.

I even thought about newspapers and the future of news coverage, which is critical to maintaining many of the freedoms that we enjoy and often take for granted.

I thought about all of the beauty that is in the world, how much we take that for granted, too, and how much I want to see more of it while I’m able to get around.

During my break, I learned how much I missed reading, especially fiction. For several years prior to my retirement, I collected a small library of books and I finally am finding time to enjoy some of them. I thought about writing a book – and may do that at some point – but the inspiration and motivation haven’t hit me yet. Maybe it won’t. I think that’s OK.

I’ve been reminded that I can’t control everything around me and that all of us need to relearn the importance of compromising.

I’m convinced, more than ever, that if we abide by those three most important words – faith, hope and love – out of them will grow a lot of good, including forgiveness, tolerance and charity.

Mostly, I’ve been reminded that I still have a lot to learn. Don’t we all?

Go easy, my friend

This week I lost a friend. It hurts.

Most of us have too few people in our lives who we call close friends. Chuck Gallagher, who died Wednesday morning, was one of those for me. 

We worked together for almost 30 years at the Reading Eagle,including about 10 years as the top editors in the newsroom. During that decade, before he retired as editor in 2008, we spent countless hours together. 

Almost every weekday he would come into my office early in the morning, usually with his first cup of bad coffee from the office vending machine, and we would discuss that day’s paper. We would talk about issues in the community, news in the world and personnel in the newsroom. During those discussions we would solve the problems of the newspaper, Berks County and the world beyond. If only others had listened.

Sometimes we talked about our families. 

Some days he would launch into some of his lines from one of the many theater productions that were so special to him. I often wondered which he loved more—the real world of news or the imaginary world of the stage. 

He often shared old stories of his experiences in the Air Force or his early newspaper days as a police reporter. Some of those he told several times, but I never minded hearing even the ones I could have repeated to him. I treasure them, including the ones I won’t share.

At the end of the late afternoon news meeting, he and I would remain in the conference room after the other editors had left, and we would rehash the day and revisit some of the things we talked about that morning.

It’s amazing how well we got along. He was a long-time Philadelphia Eagles fan, and I remain a long-time Dallas Cowboys fan. For many years, at Christmas, he would give to me something related to the Cowboys – a pennant signed by Roger Staubach, a miniature helmet signed by Bob Lilly, an autographed Troy Aikman jersey, a game-worn jersey by a lesser-known defensive back, and a plaque with a piece of the turf from the old Texas Stadium.

We did share a love for the Philadelphia Phillies., which is more than can be said about his life at home. His tolerance of differences in sports was evident by his long-time marriage to Ellen, a New York Mets fan. I believe, in his mind, it was Ellen’s only flaw.

Chuck liked good whiskey. Even more, he loved Guinness, which he called mother’s milk.

If we were out together and having drinks, he would ask me if I wanted a light beer. That irritated me a bit that he would imply I didn’t like or couldn’t handle real beer. Eventually I realized that in Chuck’s mind everything other than Guinness was light beer. 

We didn’t share political views. One of us was slightly to the left. The other slightly to the right. You can guess which. But it never affected our direction of the news. We both believed in balance and fairness.

We also didn’t share spiritual views, but I did pray for him and still do.

Sometimes Chuck talked in code, which I came to understand. For example, when I hired a new artist and introduced him to Chuck, one of his first questions to the new guy was, “BC?”, meaning “Are you from Berks County?”

Chuck also loved writing poetry, and I loved making a point to him that what he wrote seldom rhymed.

For many years, he gave a one-minute preview on TV-69 of the news coming in the next day’s paper. He would write out his script and then do it from memory. Sometimes it would require a few takes but he always got it right. There were some good outtakes however, which the guys at TV-69 saved and put together to play at his retirement program. 

In his later years, he looked the part of an old-style newspaper editor, wearing suspenders and carrying a little extra around the middle. 

Chuck and I were very different men who shared a passion for the news business. He was a colleague. He was a mentor who prepared me for my turn in the editor’s seat. But, mostly, he was a friend.

Even after he retired, we met for lunch several times each year, resurrecting our early morning discussions. In recent years, it was difficult to watch as his health declined. Isn’t that always true with someone special in your life?

When I went to see him last week, I thought it might be our last time together. I left him with the words he so often told me when we’d part: Go easy.

Go easy, my friend.

Sometimes life throws curveballs

A good reminder in a column I wrote almost three years ago.

Some things are simply beyond our control. Sometimes we just have to accept things and move forward.

It takes most of us many years to learn that there are times in life when no matter how hard you try, you can’t win or have things your own way.

When no matter how good your intentions, it’s time to stop fighting lost battles and start looking to the future.

When no matter how much you want to help or protect people, you need to let go and hope for the best.

When no matter how much you talk and how well you reason, people may not understand or just may refuse to even listen.

When no matter how well you plan and how well you prepare, things spiral out of control.

In my six-plus decades on Earth, I have come to know that sometimes you can’t control life. Sometimes life controls you.

Sometimes the solution isn’t in quitting, it’s simply in accepting.

Sometimes there’s no way to prevent pain and suffering, and your love and caring isn’t known or accepted until you pick up the broken pieces.

Sometimes sadness may be the path to get to happiness.

Sometimes understanding comes in its own time.

Sometimes progress comes through surrender.

Sometimes success happens through patience.

If you understand all of that, you also may understand how often life mirrors the game of baseball.

There are few perfect games.

Sometimes we hit home runs. Occasionally we hit a grand slam. More often than not the results are far less impressive.

There are days when life comes at us like a 100 mph fastball. We learn to watch and prepare for it. Then, often when we’re not expecting it, we see a curveball, a knuckleball or a changeup, and our well-intentioned swing meets nothing but air.

That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t swing again, but before we do it’s important to accept that the previous pitch is over and the next pitch is a fresh start.

There are many ways to win in the game of baseball. Through experience, we learn that walks sometimes can be as important as base hits, that there are others who will back us up when we make mistakes, that errors are part of the game and that we get more than one strike.

Sometimes the game goes extra innings. Other times it is cut short because of storms.

We also learn that in most cases the harder we work, the better we get. But even that doesn’t always guarantee success.

Like in baseball, much of what happens in our lives is the result of choices we make: where we stand, how much we concentrate, how well we prepare and what sacrifices we are willing to make. It’s true in our relationships, our jobs and our accomplishments. Circumstances and opportunities play big parts, but much of where life goes depends on our own actions and decisions.

Sometimes it’s a matter of the energy we invest in things. Other times patience guides our progress. Either way, we can’t always blame others or ourselves for the results. Sometimes it’s just the way the ball bounces.

Perhaps it is most important to remember that we won’t win every time, but we should be happy that at least we had the opportunity to play the game. Even when we lose, there’s something to be learned that may help us at some point in the future. Regardless of the results today, if we’re lucky, there may be another game tomorrow, and whatever the previous results, the scoreboard will be wiped clean.

Unless, of course, it rains. Because in baseball and in life, there are some things we simply can’t control.

Putting sadness in perspective

I want to be happy every minute of every day. Sadly, that’s not realistic. So I seek a little happiness where I can find it.

Who among us has never experienced sadness?

Sadness is a part of life.

If not for sadness, how would we clearly define and understand happiness? It’s important, however, not to allow sadness to overwhelm us. Sadness should not dominate or define our life.

Sadness sometimes results from our specific expectations in life. We want things to be perfect. At least we hope to have things our own way. Life doesn’t work that way, and as much as we can do things to set a direction for our life, there is so much that is beyond our control. Too often, instead of accepting that, we allow sadness to take over.

Among the many reasons for sadness are loss, disappointment, conflict and loneliness.

Sadness is most obvious during grieving. We expect those close to us to always be here, even though we know that life in this world eventually ends for all of us.

Some of our sadness may be the result of regrets. Why wasn’t I nicer to him? Why didn’t I spend more time with her? Why didn’t I make a different decision? Why didn’t I try harder? There is nothing we can do to change the past, but we can learn from our experiences and influence our future.

We could avoid experiencing those losses and disappointments by avoiding relationships and actions, but then we would miss out on the joys and memories that are part of time we spend with others and our experiences. And then our sadness results from isolation and loneliness.

Loneliness can be a bottomless pit. The longer we experience it, the more difficult it becomes to escape it. Then it becomes easier to stop trying and let our depression grow.

Sometimes we feel helpless and are frustrated by our inability to resolve conflicts. Neither side wants to give in. It may be a stubborn fear of losing the battle, a refusal to forgive a wrong against us, or reluctance to risk being hurt again. Instead we sacrifice the happiness that we wanted all along.

And who among us hasn’t experienced the sadness that results from disappointment when we don’t accomplish the goals we set? When we aren’t accepted, recognized or appreciated. When the plans we made fall through. Or when we can’t acquire the things we want. 

All the sadness that enters our lives, and which we sometimes allow to overwhelm us, can lead to severe depression. If we allow it to continue, the darkness grows, and so does the pain.

Life isn’t perfect. Man changed that soon after creation. Our definition and view of perfection in the world is determined by whose standards and perceptions are used in that judgment.

When we accept that happiness and sadness do and must co-exist, then we can tolerate sadness and enjoy happiness.

There is a risk in everything we do. If we don’t take the chance of swinging a baseball bat, we can’t get a hit. If we don’t step out of our door, we can’t experience the beauty in the world. If we don’t take a chance on friendship and love, we’ll never know the joy they can bring to our lives.

Amanda McBroom’s song, “The Rose,” made famous by Bette Midler, expressed it well:

“It’s the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.

“It’s the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance.

“It’s the one who won’t be taken, who cannot seem to give,

“And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.”

I have written about happiness numerous times. My assessment has been that “our happiness often depends on perspective,” and we need to stop counting our sorrows and start counting our blessings. I’ve written that “the secret to finding happiness” is to focus on good things instead of allowing negatives to weigh you down, and to share your happiness with others. Finally, I really believe that “true happiness comes when we choose happiness.”

We need to acknowledge and accept that sadness is a part of life, but we should not allow it to become our life.

Perhaps we’d be better off if we looked at sadness as an experience along our journey to happiness. At least that’s how I’m trying to approach it these days.