Putting sadness in perspective

I want to be happy every minute of every day. Sadly, that’s not realistic. So I seek a little happiness where I can find it.

Who among us has never experienced sadness?

Sadness is a part of life.

If not for sadness, how would we clearly define and understand happiness? It’s important, however, not to allow sadness to overwhelm us. Sadness should not dominate or define our life.

Sadness sometimes results from our specific expectations in life. We want things to be perfect. At least we hope to have things our own way. Life doesn’t work that way, and as much as we can do things to set a direction for our life, there is so much that is beyond our control. Too often, instead of accepting that, we allow sadness to take over.

Among the many reasons for sadness are loss, disappointment, conflict and loneliness.

Sadness is most obvious during grieving. We expect those close to us to always be here, even though we know that life in this world eventually ends for all of us.

Some of our sadness may be the result of regrets. Why wasn’t I nicer to him? Why didn’t I spend more time with her? Why didn’t I make a different decision? Why didn’t I try harder? There is nothing we can do to change the past, but we can learn from our experiences and influence our future.

We could avoid experiencing those losses and disappointments by avoiding relationships and actions, but then we would miss out on the joys and memories that are part of time we spend with others and our experiences. And then our sadness results from isolation and loneliness.

Loneliness can be a bottomless pit. The longer we experience it, the more difficult it becomes to escape it. Then it becomes easier to stop trying and let our depression grow.

Sometimes we feel helpless and are frustrated by our inability to resolve conflicts. Neither side wants to give in. It may be a stubborn fear of losing the battle, a refusal to forgive a wrong against us, or reluctance to risk being hurt again. Instead we sacrifice the happiness that we wanted all along.

And who among us hasn’t experienced the sadness that results from disappointment when we don’t accomplish the goals we set? When we aren’t accepted, recognized or appreciated. When the plans we made fall through. Or when we can’t acquire the things we want. 

All the sadness that enters our lives, and which we sometimes allow to overwhelm us, can lead to severe depression. If we allow it to continue, the darkness grows, and so does the pain.

Life isn’t perfect. Man changed that soon after creation. Our definition and view of perfection in the world is determined by whose standards and perceptions are used in that judgment.

When we accept that happiness and sadness do and must co-exist, then we can tolerate sadness and enjoy happiness.

There is a risk in everything we do. If we don’t take the chance of swinging a baseball bat, we can’t get a hit. If we don’t step out of our door, we can’t experience the beauty in the world. If we don’t take a chance on friendship and love, we’ll never know the joy they can bring to our lives.

Amanda McBroom’s song, “The Rose,” made famous by Bette Midler, expressed it well:

“It’s the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.

“It’s the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance.

“It’s the one who won’t be taken, who cannot seem to give,

“And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.”

I have written about happiness numerous times. My assessment has been that “our happiness often depends on perspective,” and we need to stop counting our sorrows and start counting our blessings. I’ve written that “the secret to finding happiness” is to focus on good things instead of allowing negatives to weigh you down, and to share your happiness with others. Finally, I really believe that “true happiness comes when we choose happiness.”

We need to acknowledge and accept that sadness is a part of life, but we should not allow it to become our life.

Perhaps we’d be better off if we looked at sadness as an experience along our journey to happiness. At least that’s how I’m trying to approach it these days.