Don’t waste a single moment

The mystery of life is something we will not solve as long as we are living it. We struggle to understand why we are here and where we are going. We want to control the future – and we try so hard to do that – but in the end only so much of it is in our hands.

We can make choices of right and wrong – often depending on our individual perspectives – but the impact and influence of other people and the world itself are beyond our power.

So we adjust and change and hope that we will reach our dreams – or at least a few of our goals.

Sometimes the choices we make and the impact and influence of what surrounds us bring disappointment. We want everything to be perfect according to our own plan. That simply isn’t realistic.

Day after day, life goes on, but not always in ways we want or expect. And then, instead of loving life as it exists, we allow regrets and sadness to overwhelm us.

Life is too precious to waste. Each moment should be free of what-ifs.

We grow old too soon. Or at least before we are ready. When we are young, the end of life seems so far away. We get glimpses whenever someone close to us dies, but because our life continues so does the future.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the world that we ignore the fact that all of what we have here is temporary. 

One of the saddest times of life is when we move from living independently to depending on others for most of our needs. We return to the way we lived as children, where others provide the care and make decisions for us. Although it’s sad, it’s also a part of life.

Last year I attended a family-day gathering at a nursing home. I saw residents in various stages of declining health. Some of them sleep most of their remaining hours. Most of their time is spent in isolation and loneliness in spite of the dedicated efforts of their care-givers and visits by family members.

I’ve thought about some of those people in my visits to that place. Some of them seem barely alive, some communicate even though they are limited physically, and others are somewhere in between, staring or smiling at those who walk by and hoping for a wave or a smile in return. A simple “hello” brings happiness to them because someone took a brief moment to connect and acknowledge that they still are part of this world.

I often wonder what these people were like when they were in control of their lives. When they had energy to work and cook and mow the lawn and hold children and drive. When they could be part of conversations, and when others actually were interested in what they had to say.

I wonder when they reached the point that they no longer could be on their own. When did they transition from communicating to sleeping during most of the day and night? When was their independence stripped away?

As I walk through the halls as a still healthy man with energy, I wonder if too soon I will be in the same state as some of these people. And if that happens, will I be a picture of emptiness, or will I be among those who still cherish every remaining breath. Will I know the peace that comes with enjoying and appreciating life until the very end?

What does all of this mean?

We need to love the life we have in the moment we are in it. We need to cherish those around us while we’re still together. We need to slow down and let the experience of each day wash over us and be thankful for every breath. We need to capture the memories of sunsets and mountains, of crying babies and laughing children, of the stories that the elderly share and then repeat over and over.

We need to cherish life while it’s here, because too soon it is over. And when a single life on earth ends, life for the rest of us will never be the same again.

Surviving the season of loneliness

I read an online posting awhile ago about a 90-year-old woman who put a letter on her neighbor’s door, asking for friendship.

I never am sure if these types of stories are true. Many are not. Sometimes parts of the stories are real but are changed or embellished to suit the purpose of the new writer or speaker.

These stories, real or fiction, can have value when they share a positive or encouraging message. Especially when they lead us to evaluate things in our own lives.

In this case, it’s a reminder – perhaps a wakeup call – for us about the need to be concerned about others in the world. Think about the people in this world who are alone. Some of them likely are in your own neighborhood. Some may be in your family.

We’re so busy living our own lives that too often we ignore the lives around us. We may fail to see the needs of others.

There are few things worse than loneliness, isolation and emptiness. Many of us have been there at some point, but some never leave that state.

This has been on my mind in recent weeks, because I consider this one of the saddest times of the year. The Christmas season is over and winter is in full swing. For some, that means a letdown. It’s cold outside, which means many of us spend more time indoors. That can lead to isolation. For some, bills are coming due.

Tensions in families can increase for extreme reasons. Perhaps we spend too much time too close to some and too little time with those who are far away. 

Some people worry about the snow because they must travel in it or because they face the work of clearing it.

Much of nature is dormant, which can diminish hope, even though we wouldn’t fully appreciate the renewal that comes with the arrival of spring if we hadn’t experienced the bitter cold of winter. Still, I’ve never enjoyed snow or cold weather. It’s a depressing time for me.

For many who are elderly and have lost many of their friends, or for those who have physical limitations, winter makes the isolation more pronounced. Their isolation increases because there is less exposure to other people in general.

Just as sad are the people who feel loneliness even when they are around others. I have experienced that at times during my life. It’s why I’ve kept my feelings to myself so often. Writing has helped me to overcome some of that. I’ve shared my opinions, beliefs and experiences, but many of my feelings still remain locked deep inside. It feels safer that way. Like many others there’s a risk of hurt when we open ourselves. So we keep our feelings private and are reluctant to reach out and communicate.

Isolation for extended time is not healthy, which is why I work to limit it. The biggest help has been reminding myself that I am never really alone. God is always with me. The love and compassion He gives to us needs to be an example of how we should treat others in the world.

Ironically, in reaching out to others, we also help ourselves. We need to share smiles, conversations and even hugs. We need to offer friendship to those who are suffering through loneliness that is greater than our own.

Forgive those who have hurt or offended us. Stop carrying the burdens that prevent us from connecting with others.

Cherish the time remaining with those close to us. Too soon it will be gone, and it can never be recovered.

If you know someone who is lonely, it’s easy to help. Talk to that person. Be a friend. Don’t wait for the person to leave a note at your door. 

And never forget that the hope that comes with spring always follows the depressing cold of winter.

Socks for Seniors warms feet and hearts

There’s a special connection between the Christmas season and stockings.

For several centuries, hanging stockings by the fireplace has been a tradition, most famously noted in Clement Clarke Moore’s story, “A Visit from St. Nicholas”:

“'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

“Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

“The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

“In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.”

I’m not sure why or where the practice began, but here is one of the popular legends, according to Smithsonian.com:

“A recently widowed man and father of three girls was having a tough time making ends meet. Even though his daughters were beautiful, he worried that their impoverished status would make it impossible for them to marry.

“St. Nicholas was wandering through the town where the man lived and heard villagers discussing that family’s plight. He wanted to help but knew the man would refuse any kind of charity directly. Instead, one night, he slid down the chimney of the family’s house and filled the girls’ recently laundered stockings, which happened to be drying by the fire, with gold coins. And then he disappeared.

“The girls awoke in the morning, overjoyed upon discovering the bounty. Because of St. Nick’s generosity, the daughters were now eligible to wed and their father could rest easy that they wouldn’t fall into lonely despair. “

It’s a very dated storyline, and I wonder how he slid down the chimney if there was a fire drying the stockings. But it’s interesting folklore. 

For some people in our community, stockings have another significance at this time of year. Socks for Seniors is one of the many collection and distribution programs in our area that help those in need. In this case, it’s the elderly in assisted living and retirement homes.

The local Socks for Seniors program is run by a couple who recently retired. I’d share their names, but they prefer to put the emphasis on the program and not on themselves. 

She started the local program four years ago. Last year he helped to sort and pack them. With his training completed, this year he became her official assistant. 

This is part of the national Socks for Seniors program, which was started in 2002 and is based in Columbus, Ohio.

Locally, socks are collected from late November through mid-December at the Wyomissing Family Restaurant and at the three Boscov’s stores in Berks County.

Hamid Chaudhry, who owns the restaurant, offers a gift of a half-dozen donuts, mini pie, loaf of bread or pint of soup to anyone who donates six pairs of socks at his restaurant. It’s one of many ways Hamid has supported programs and organizations in the area, which is why he is loved and respected by so many in our community.

The program also receives support from the Reading Eagle,which runs free advertisements about the collection, and WEEU radio, which promotes the collection on Mike Faust’s popular Feedback program.

In four years, they have collected more than 14,000 pairs of socks. It takes a lot of hours to set up the collection boxes and empty them several times so they can be refilled during the three-week collection period. 

The fun part for them is to see the variety of socks as they count and sort them into piles for men and women in her sunroom. Many of the socks are plain white or black. Some are thick and fuzzy. Others have designs and images, such as cats, frogs and flamingoes.

After the socks are collected, counted and sorted, they travel around the county, from mid-December through early January, to deliver bags of socks to retirement and nursing homes, non-profits and homeless shelters that serve elderly residents.

The rewarding part is knowing they will be helping our elderly neighbors to stay warm during the long winter. 

So this year, once again, stockings were collected and donated by the community with care in hopes that our seniors stay warm through the year.

It’s a program that’s not only feet-warming, but also heart-warming.

Don't forget about the gift you are

In celebrating my first Christmas in retirement, I am sharing past columns I’ve written about Christmas. I call them the 12 columns of Christmas. The following was written for Dec.26, 2010.

Now that the busy Christmas morning is over, maybe it’s time for us to think about our gifts. 

I don’t mean the ones you unwrapped Saturday morning. I’m talking about the gift that you have to offer others every day of the year: you. 

Believe it or not, we all have talents, skills and abilities. Some have more than others, but we all have them. And there are so many opportunities to use them. Too often, we keep them wrapped up and don’t share them. Sometimes it’s God-given gifts; other times it’s gifts we’ve developed through the years.
They range from those who can repair homes, heal the sick, feed the poor, teach the unknowing, protect the vulnerable and minister to the lost or misdirected, to those who can simply share a kind word or a smile with people who are lonely or in despair. 

The important thing is that we use those gifts. 

Appropriately, one of my favorite Bible messages is from Matthew 25:14-30. If you’re not familiar with it, you can look it up.
Briefly, it’s the story of a man who is going away and gives what he owns to three of his servants to take care of. When he returns, he learns that the one to whom he had entrusted the most, has returned double. The same is true for the one to whom he had given the next amount. 

But the one to whom he had given the least simply has kept the money safe and hasn’t put it to any use. 

The point is, the more abilities or blessings that we have, the more we should do with them. But being afraid and not using them at all is simply wasting them. 

Or, as author and motivational speaker Leo Buscaglia said: “Your talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God.” 

So, at this time when we focus so much on gifts and gift giving, take some time to think about the gifts you have to share and the gift you are. 

Then consider what you have done with those gifts. 

Those are the gifts that need to be re-gifted. Those are the gifts that keep on giving. 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. 

Let's not forget the real reason for this season

In celebrating my first Christmas in retirement, I am sharing past columns I’ve written about Christmas. I call them the 12 columns of Christmas. The following was written for Dec.25, 2011.

Merry Christmas.

I really mean it.

I hope you have happy holidays, too. And season’s greetings and any other generic wishes you can think of saying.
Mostly, I wish you Merry Christmas. 

Because that’s what I believe.
So much has been written and debated in recent years about being politically correct at this time of year, and we do need to be considerate of others’ feelings and beliefs. But how does eliminating references to Christmas accomplish that? Doing that is offensive to many people. 

Today is Christmas Day. Let’s not pretend it’s not. 

The tree in your living room is a Christmas tree, as emphasized in the recent flap raised by Gov. Lincoln Chafee of Rhode Island when he referred to the tree in the Statehouse as a “holiday tree.” 

For many people, houses are trimmed with Christmas decorations. We send out Christmas cards, sing Christmas carols and make Christmas cookies. 

Before I go further, this is not an objection to other religious observances. But if I’m a Christian, why shouldn’t I wish you Merry Christmas. I’d be honored to have my Jewish friends and acquaintances say Happy Hanukkah. I believe the same for other observations. We place a Christmas tree in our office. We also place a menorah. I’m happy to see both.

If we really believe and follow our faith, why should we hide it? Isn’t sharing a big part of our faith?

I understand the issues of restricting religious symbols on public property. Our nation was founded in large part to allow religious freedom. That’s why it’s important to maintain the separation of church and state. 

Those issues are easily resolved by placing religious displays and symbols on private property where they can be viewed by the public. I’m sure there is plenty of that space available. 

Hiding or ignoring the references to Christmas and what they mean makes no sense to me. 

Let’s get back to what Christmas really stands for. It is a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ and the hope he represents to the world. So how can we celebrate Christmas and ignore Jesus? Even if you’re not a Christian, the hope of the Christmas season extends to the entire world. 

I’m not suggesting we eliminate Santa Claus. That wouldn’t go over well with my grandchildren. Besides, Santa represents the spirit of giving. Notice I wrote giving, not getting. 

So how did we reach the point where Christmas has become a generic holiday celebration in many areas? Why do many people — including many Christians — believe “happy holidays” is an acceptable substitute for “Merry Christmas”? 

Perhaps it is because some people feel they should be able to celebrate this special time of year even if they don’t observe, believe or acknowledge the reason for the season. They are free to do that. But those observations should not replace Christmas. 

Perhaps it’s because of a small segment of nonbelievers who are overwhelmed by the impact of the real Christmas spirit and somehow feel Christians are forcing their beliefs on others. 

More likely, it’s the result of people hiding behind a false concern of offending others. So they avoid a greeting that represents joy, peace and hope. Seriously? 

Well, Christmas is not generic. So don’t pretend it’s something it’s not. And don’t try to hide it. 

It’s Christmas day. If you’re a Christian, enjoy the day for what it really is. If you’re not, at least acknowledge and respect it. Don’t try to put my observance and others’ under wraps, so to speak. But do enjoy whatever holiday you choose to celebrate. 

I really mean that.

Merry Christmas. 

Special time to show the world Merry Christmas

In celebrating my first Christmas in retirement, I am sharing past columns I’ve written about Christmas. I call them the 12 columns of Christmas. The following was written for Dec.25, 2016.

Merry Christmas. Today is a day for celebration. A day when we mark the birth of a man who changed the world more than any other who has walked on the Earth. A man who drew his first earthly breath in a stable surrounded by animals and then was honored and praised by kings. 

He lived a childhood like many of us, and grew into a man unlike any of us. He spoke love in the midst of hate. He showed kindness when faced with anger. He offered forgiveness beyond what any of us could imagine. 

It was not only significant that he was born in a lowly setting, it also was important. The humblest of beginnings put him in position to teach us humility. It was the first of many lessons he would share. 

At this time of year, we gather together, because Christmas is a time for families and friends. We should put on hold our busy lives to reflect on who and what is important in the world — something we do too infrequently and too briefly. 

There are some who will tell you that Jesus wasn’t really born on the 25th of December. That may be true. Does it matter? What is really important about this day is that we acknowledge his birth. It’s a day when we center our attention on love and peace. On forgiveness and compassion. On hope. Even if you aren’t a member of the Christian church, those things still hold true. 

On this day, all believers in God — Jews, Muslims, Christians — need to renew our commitment to love, tolerance, compassion, peace and understanding. Dec. 25 isn’t just the celebration of the birth of a baby boy, it’s also the recognition of all that is good in the world. It’s fitting that we call him the Prince of Peace. 

So on this day we give presents because of the greatest gift, which God presented to us. It came first in the birth of Jesus, then in the gift of forgiveness. That’s not a gift we can buy. It’s not a gift we can earn. But it is a gift that is ours by simply accepting it. 

It also is a gift that we need to share with others. 

Some people refuse to acknowledge the Christ in Christmas. As a result, many others have replaced Christmas greetings with holiday greetings. When and why did a loving Christmas greeting become something we are expected to avoid? 

Christmas isn’t something that’s just between Christians. It’s something Christians need to share with the world around them. Not just in what they believe, but also in how they act and what they say. It begins with faith, but it then needs to be put into action. And it needs to be carried throughout the year. 

So say Merry Christmas to those you meet. More important, show Merry Christmas. It’s a sign of who you are, not who others are or who others believe you should be. 

It’s a sign of the miracle of life and the essence of love. 

It’s a sign of peace at a time when we need that more than ever. 

Christmas is perfect every year

In celebrating my first Christmas in retirement, I am sharing past columns I’ve written about Christmas. I call them the 12 columns of Christmas. The following was written for Dec.24, 2017.

“I want to feel Christmas, how it used to be, 

“With all of its wonder falling on me.

“This season has felt so empty, oh, for 

quite a while.

“I want to feel Christmas like a child.” 

– Lyrics from “Christmas Like a Child” by Third Day 

Christmas is perfect. That’s true every year because of what it represents: the birth of God’s son. Sometimes the way we observe the special day and season isn’t nearly as perfect. 

We want perfect gifts, perfect meals, perfect decorations and perfect weather. Too often our pursuit of that perfection overshadows the real perfection that is the Christmas season. 

The birth of Jesus in a stable should set the tone for how we approach the season — a world-changing event that is wrapped in simplicity. 

Young children may not fully understand the real meaning of Christmas, but their excitement over the happiness and joy that surrounds them should be an example for all of us. We need to focus on families, happiness, giving and anticipation. We need to think about the gift that was given to us and the importance of sharing that gift. Mostly, we need to focus on the love that the Christmas season represents. 

As we grow older, too many of us get so wrapped up in the busyness of the season that we lose those feelings. Christmas hasn’t changed, but many of us have. 

The first step in finding the perfect approach to Christmas is to focus on the reason for the season. The second step is setting aside time for family and friends. That’s the way I remember Christmas from my childhood and from the years before everything else during this season got in the way. 

I don’t remember many of the presents I received as a child, but I can’t forget my excitement when my grandparents would arrive early on Christmas morning. I also remember the live Christmas tree in the center of a large miniature village with a train and lighted houses and streetlights. I remember taking part in Christmas programs at church. 

After my family moved to Berks County in 1980, we met some friends and went caroling throughout our community, then we would return to our house for warm drinks and desserts. A few years later members of our church would travel to visit and sing to shut-ins and members in nursing homes. 

For years my wife and I shared a marathon cookie baking day about two weeks before Christmas. 

Every year, on Christmas Eve, my wife insisted that I read “The Night Before Christmas” to our three children. 

As we got older, perhaps we worried too much about all we had to
do or just got lazy, but some of those
special times were put on hold or
abandoned. 

That’s sad, and as I’ve grown older I realize the importance of those traditions. We’ve lost our focus. We’ve lost our way. So this year, I wanted to take the first steps to returning to the Christmases I knew years ago. Even though my wife is no longer with us, the cookie baking day returned with my family, including the new love in my life. 

She and I plan to serve meals to the elderly on Christmas Day, something she has done for several years. 

We’ll visit with some family members. 

Perhaps, after church on Christmas Eve, we’ll create a perfect picture of us sitting together in front of a fireplace with cups of hot chocolate in a room with a few special decorations, including a cherished family Nativity scene. 

That’s a start. Maybe next year we’ll bring back a big Christmas dinner with family members sitting around a table enjoying turkey or ham, perhaps roasted chestnuts like my grandmother used to make and warm apple pie and Christmas cookies. And then a long walk together. 

I didn’t mention all the gifts. They will be there, too, wrapped and waiting under the tree. But they are not what is most important. Years from now, we won’t remember any of them. We’ll remember the feelings from spending special time with family members. We’ll remember a child who was born into this world to provide peace, hope, forgiveness and love for all of us. 

I want to know Christmas as I knew it years ago.

I want to feel Christmas like a child.