Surviving the season of loneliness

I read an online posting awhile ago about a 90-year-old woman who put a letter on her neighbor’s door, asking for friendship.

I never am sure if these types of stories are true. Many are not. Sometimes parts of the stories are real but are changed or embellished to suit the purpose of the new writer or speaker.

These stories, real or fiction, can have value when they share a positive or encouraging message. Especially when they lead us to evaluate things in our own lives.

In this case, it’s a reminder – perhaps a wakeup call – for us about the need to be concerned about others in the world. Think about the people in this world who are alone. Some of them likely are in your own neighborhood. Some may be in your family.

We’re so busy living our own lives that too often we ignore the lives around us. We may fail to see the needs of others.

There are few things worse than loneliness, isolation and emptiness. Many of us have been there at some point, but some never leave that state.

This has been on my mind in recent weeks, because I consider this one of the saddest times of the year. The Christmas season is over and winter is in full swing. For some, that means a letdown. It’s cold outside, which means many of us spend more time indoors. That can lead to isolation. For some, bills are coming due.

Tensions in families can increase for extreme reasons. Perhaps we spend too much time too close to some and too little time with those who are far away. 

Some people worry about the snow because they must travel in it or because they face the work of clearing it.

Much of nature is dormant, which can diminish hope, even though we wouldn’t fully appreciate the renewal that comes with the arrival of spring if we hadn’t experienced the bitter cold of winter. Still, I’ve never enjoyed snow or cold weather. It’s a depressing time for me.

For many who are elderly and have lost many of their friends, or for those who have physical limitations, winter makes the isolation more pronounced. Their isolation increases because there is less exposure to other people in general.

Just as sad are the people who feel loneliness even when they are around others. I have experienced that at times during my life. It’s why I’ve kept my feelings to myself so often. Writing has helped me to overcome some of that. I’ve shared my opinions, beliefs and experiences, but many of my feelings still remain locked deep inside. It feels safer that way. Like many others there’s a risk of hurt when we open ourselves. So we keep our feelings private and are reluctant to reach out and communicate.

Isolation for extended time is not healthy, which is why I work to limit it. The biggest help has been reminding myself that I am never really alone. God is always with me. The love and compassion He gives to us needs to be an example of how we should treat others in the world.

Ironically, in reaching out to others, we also help ourselves. We need to share smiles, conversations and even hugs. We need to offer friendship to those who are suffering through loneliness that is greater than our own.

Forgive those who have hurt or offended us. Stop carrying the burdens that prevent us from connecting with others.

Cherish the time remaining with those close to us. Too soon it will be gone, and it can never be recovered.

If you know someone who is lonely, it’s easy to help. Talk to that person. Be a friend. Don’t wait for the person to leave a note at your door. 

And never forget that the hope that comes with spring always follows the depressing cold of winter.