Friday, March 1, 2019

True happiness comes when we choose happiness

Sometimes I need to read things I wrote years ago to remind myself of the advice I shared with others. Here’s a column I wrote in 2012. 

We all have choices in life. Why don’t we choose to be happy? 
That’s not always easy, and I fail at times. But I’ve reached the point where I’m tired of letting people and things around me bring me down. So I’m trying to change that. 
The secret to happiness is focusing on the things that lift us up, and there really are many more of those positives than we realize. The problem is, we tend to focus more on the negatives.
You can have six good days in a row, but your week is ruined by one bad day. 
You can receive dozens of compliments, but you focus on a single criticism. 
You can accomplish countless successes, but one failure overshadows all of them. 
Why are so many people so unhappy? It may be that our expectations are too high. We want perfection; a life without problems. Now that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t set high standards or have lofty goals, but we need to be realistic. 
Many times it’s little things or things we can’t control that bring us down: a loss by our sports team; conflicts with co-workers; lack of finances; feelings of being ignored, left out, neglected or abandoned; lack of consideration; struggles to meet demands and obligations, which overwhelm us, steal our energy and make us too tired to face each day. 
I have more than my share of problems, headaches, pain and disappointments. But I also have more than my share of blessings. Far more than my share. So why shouldn’t I focus on those? After all, they are much more pleasant. 
Doesn’t it make more sense to consider what you have instead of what you lack? People prefer to be associated with positive people. 
I do know people who seem to be too happy. They bubble with enthusiasm to the point that they overwhelm those around them. You find yourself asking: Is it real? But, does it matter? If that’s what makes them happy, why should I judge them or bring them down? Even happy people have down moments. Besides, people recognize genuine happiness. 
Happiness isn’t just about that outward display. It’s about how you feel inside. How contented you are with your life. How satisfied. 
There are so many things that can lift us up. Here are things to consider whenever the world gets you down. 
■ Look at the sky at any time during the day or night and consider the vastness of the universe. Think about the way the Earth and all the other planets revolve around the sun in such an orderly manner and have for time that is countless without colliding. Then realize how insignificant all your troubles are in comparison. 
■ Look into the eyes of a baby and see the innocence and unlimited potential that exists for him and the future of this world. 
■ Consider how life began, how new life begins every second of every day and how precious every one of God’s children is in the world. 
■ Resolve that kindness is the only appropriate response to cruelty if there is to be any hope of erasing the latter. 
■ Understand that a smile can dry up more tears than tissues, sleeves and towels.
■ Treat each new day as an opportunity to do something positive in the world. 
■ Realize that when you’re gone the memory of what you did in life will fade within a generation or two, but the love you pass on will last forever.
■ Look in the mirror every morning and understand that the only one who can make you unhappy is the one looking back at you.
■ Slow down. Often it’s the pace and the competition that takes away your happiness. Let someone else get ahead of you in line or traffic and know that in the bigger picture of the world it’s not going make much of a difference in getting to your destination.
■ Remind yourself that life on Earth is temporary. In the end, we all will die, so concentrate on celebrating and treasuring the time we have and those around us. Life changes so quickly. Why waste a single moment? 
It all comes down to perspective, approach and attitude. 
You can know true happiness, but not until you choose not to be unhappy. 

Friday, February 22, 2019

Baseball season is music to my ears

The start of baseball spring training means it’s almost spring, and when spring finally arrives, it means it’s baseball season.
It’s time to hear that exciting call, “play ball,” signaling the end of the long winter.
So to get in the mood for the great American pastime, I’ve compiled a list of nine great baseball songs. There are hundreds more, but here is a collection of my favorites.
I have included links to all of them, and they worked when I tested them (a couple begin with brief advertisements). But if they don’t work for you, Google them and you’ll find various versions.

1. “Right field”
Playing right field, it's easy, you know.
You can be awkward and you can be slow
That's why I'm here in right field
Just watching the dandelions grow
This is my favorite baseball song, although many people may not be familiar with it. When you look past the big business and outrageous salaries, this is real baseball – a kids’ game that is played for fun.
It is based on a tale written by author Willie Welch and was recorded by Peter, Paul and Mary.
The version from their 25th anniversary concert is my favorite:
Here is a link to the song performed by Welch:

2. “A dream”
There are two men out
And it's in the ninth
And the score is four to three
There's a man on first
And a man at bat
And the man at bat is me
This song, number 2 on the list of my favorite baseball songs, is from “Diamonds,” an off-Broadway musical review that ran for less than four months, ending in early 1985.
In the musical, the song, which was written by Craig Carnelia, was sung by Scott Holmes.
I heard it for the first time at a Boy Scout dinner several years ago when Jarrod Miller of Sinking Spring sang it.
Here is a powerful video by Brett Rigby:

3. “Cheap seats”
We like our beer flat as can be
We like our dogs with mustard and relish
We got a great pitcher what's his name
Well we can't even spell it
We don't worry about the pennant much
We just like to see the boys hit it deep
There's nothing like the view from the cheap seats
The song was written by Marcus Hummon and Randy Sharp and became a hit by the country band Alabama in 1993.
Here is the video by Alabama:

4. “The baseball song”
Life's a fastball, belt high, coming right down the middle
Don't stand there, and let it go by
Swing hard and aim for the stands
This baseball song by Corey Smith from 2012 has good advice that can be applied to life in general: Keep your eye on the ball.
Corey Smith’s song:

5. “Centerfield”
Oh, put me in, coach – I'm ready to play today
Put me in, coach – I'm ready to play today
Look at me, I can be centerfield
This popular 1985 song was written and sung by John Fogerty, formerly of Creedence Clearwater Revival. It’s an upbeat song inspired by his childhood memories.
Fogerty in concert:

6. “Talkin’ baseball”
We're talkin' baseball
Kluszewski, Campanella
Talkin' baseball
The Man and Bobby Feller
The Scooter, the Barber, and the Newc
They knew ’em all from Boston to Dubuque
Especially Willie, Mickey, and the Duke.
This song, written and recorded by Terry Cashman in 1981, often is referred to as “Willie, Mickey and the Duke.” It is a tribute to many of the great names in the game.
Here’s Cashman’s song:

7. “Love is like a baseball game”
Love is just like a baseball game
Three strikes you’re out
Whether you win or lose
Love is just like a baseball game
Three strikes you're out
Everybody's got to pay some due
The song was written by Kenny Gamble and Leon Huff and was a hit for The Intruders in the 1960s.
Their song:

8. “Say Hey (the Willie Mays song)”
Say hey, say who?
Say Willie
Say hey, say who?
Swinging at the plate
Say hey, say who?
Say Willie
That Giants kid is great
The Treniers recorded the song in 1955, along with the great Willie Mays, the Say Hey Kid.
Here is their song:


9. “Take me out to the ball game”
Take me out to the ball game
Take me out with the crowd
Just buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack
I don’t care if I never get back
Let me root, root, root for the home team
If they don’t win, it’s a shame
For it’s one, two, three strikes, you’re out
At the old ball game
What list of baseball songs would be complete without this classic? It still is sung by fans during the seventh-inning stretch at many ballgames. It was written by Jack Norworth and Albert von Tilzer in 1908.
Here is a recording from that year by Edward Meeker:

10. Extra inning
If you need an extra inning, enjoy this famous “Who’s on first” dialogue by Abbott and Costello. It’s not music, but it’s music to my ears when thinking about baseball.

Friday, February 15, 2019

A solution for my puzzling addiction

Jigsaw puzzles are burdens when you have even a mildly obsessive-compulsive personality, which I do. You can’t leave the unfinished puzzle.
I’ve found a perfect solution: retirement.
One of the best things about retirement is that on most days I can choose my plan for each day. So now I can stay up into the early morning hours to finish a puzzle and not have to worry about getting up early for work. It’s one of the many benefits of retirement.
Since my wife and I set up a puzzle table in mid-November, we have completed more than 40 puzzles, even though we don’t do them every day. We have gained speed through a mixed approach of searching for colors and shapes. We usually do a 500-piece puzzle in 4-5 hours.
Initially we were working puzzles on the dining room table. Then we moved to a card table in the living room so we could enjoy the fireplace while we worked. Next, we got serious and purchased a puzzle table that rotates on a Lazy Susan. We also researched puzzle lights. We found a floor lamp that shines down onto the middle of the table and added an LED lamp that reduces glare on parts of the board.
Puzzling is a good winter activity. In the summer, we spend most of our days on outdoor activities – yard work, walking and biking. Our summer nights are reserved for watching the Phillies.
Now it’s puzzle time.
Doing puzzles keeps your mind sharp. Like most others do, we start with the border. Sometimes we work together on sections; most times we each concentrate on an area. There is silent communication through passing pieces that match the section the other is doing.
Neither of us wants to quit until a puzzle is finished, and sometimes we work until midnight or later. For the first time in many years I was awake when the new year arrived. The puzzle we started at 9 p.m. was finish before 2 a.m., with a momentary break for a New Year’s kiss.
The sense of accomplishment that comes with a finished puzzle doesn’t last for long. We usually tear it down within a day to start another one.
When we are finished, we separate the border pieces from the rest to make it easier for the people we pass it to – often my parents. Sometimes others do that for us. 
Sharing puzzles is fun, too. It’s better than just packing them away for years. Just make sure you have all of the pieces. One puzzle that was given to us was missing two pieces. When we mentioned it, we were told a bird had flown in and stolen a piece while it was being done on a porch. We couldn’t make that up.
We have done a couple of 1,000 piece puzzles, but they are spread over two days. They don’t fit easily on our 34-inch-square puzzle table. We’ve thought about 2,000 piece ones, but that would mean moving to the dining room table.
The toughest one we did had a large blue sky with no clouds and subtle shading changes. Another tough one was a thousand-piecer of the Coliseum.
Most puzzles lock together with what we call “ins” and “outs,” and many of the pieces have similar shapes, so learning to distinguish patterns and colors becomes important.
Recently our neighbors, who have loaned numerous puzzles to us, introduced us to wooden puzzles with special shapes. Those were the most interesting and fun. They also were the most expensive. Many of them cost about $75. Most of the puzzles we buy run about $10.
These two were made by Liberty Puzzles, which is located in Boulder, Colo. They range in price from $39 to $200 and in size from 7 x 7 inches and 106 pieces to 24 x 16 and 864 pieces. 
As described on the website libertypuzzles.com: “Liberty Puzzles are a throwback to the golden age of jigsaw puzzles. Each one contains dozens of hand-drawn 'whimsy' pieces intricately cut into the shapes of characters, animals, and geometric designs.  They are works of art within art. The puzzles are made with ¼” plywood and use advance print technology for eye-popping color.”
The website also provides some history of puzzles:
“The golden age of jigsaw puzzles was approximately the 1930s.  This was before the advent of die-cut (stamped) cardboard puzzles. Most puzzles were made of wood, and hand-cut using a scroll saw. Usually, the wood was approximately ¼” thick.  With the end of the Roaring Twenties and the onset of the Great Depression, people were looking for cheap alternatives for entertainment. A jigsaw puzzle craze exploded worldwide. Numerous companies sprang up to meet the demand.  Calvin Coolidge, King George V, and Benito Mussolini were all avid puzzlers. By the early 40s and the advent of World War II, the craze had died down and die-cut puzzles were now hitting the market. The art and popularity of the hand-cut puzzle subsequently waned significantly. Liberty Puzzles are a throwback to the golden age of jigsaw puzzles!”
It doesn’t matter if the puzzles are expensive or not. What matters is keeping your mind sharp and spending time with someone special. Especially when you don’t have to worry about getting up early to go to work the next morning.
I’m finding retirement is a perfect solution to many things in life.

Liberty Puzzle of the Eiffel Tower 
Pieces in a Liberty Puzzle of a rural scene 
How pieces fit together in a Liberty Puzzle



Interesting shapes in a Liberty Puzzle

Thursday, February 7, 2019

Not easy to overcome a puzzling addiction

I first published this column on Oct. 4, 2015. More than three years later, I’ve found a new approach to my addiction to puzzles. I’ll share that update next week.

The picture lies in pieces on the table, waiting for me to be drawn in. Every time I pass by, I’m tempted to stop and restore order to what is broken. It’s an addiction that is hard to resist, yet lately I’ve managed to avoid this puzzling obsession that can control my life and dominate my time. 
If I’m going to get anything else done in my life, I need to stay away from jigsaw puzzles. 
The truth is, working on puzzles is good for you. You learn to focus, pay attention to details and solve problems, and it’s a good time for concentrated socializing if you’re sharing the puzzling with others. 
The Child Development Institute reports that puzzles are good for a child’s mind and cognitive development. They help a child “learn to work directly with their environment and change its shape and appearance,” develop hand-eye coordination and fine-motor skills, learn to recognize shapes, enhance memory and set small goals by developing a strategy to work the puzzle faster and more efficiently. 
According to Social-psychiatry.com: “Human mind has two separate hemispheres or lobes called right and left-brain with each one dealing in different functions. Right brain deals with emotions and performs tasks holistically while the left-brain functions in linear fashion. When you are able to use both the sides of the brain, you will find that your mind power is harnessed to its best and gets better. Jigsaw puzzle helps you exercise both the parts of your brain.” 
That website also cites the MacArthur Study, which found that doing jigsaw puzzles can help to produce the chemical dopamine in the brain, which helps with learning and memory, and can increase life expectancy by lessening the chances of Alzheimer’s and dementia. 
I guess all of that makes sense, unless you have any degree of obsessive compulsive disorder. In that case, your obsession can outweigh the benefits. 
For me, it’s difficult to see the unfinished pieces and not stop to put together two, or three, or 100. Once I start, I lose track of time. Starting a puzzle in the early evening hours often would stretch into the early morning hours. Before I knew it, it would be 2 a.m. I knew I needed to stop and leave it for tomorrow, but then just one more piece, or two, or 100. 
So it was important for me to develop some self-control, which I’ve done through avoidance. 
It was bad enough when the unassembled puzzles were at home. Then a year or so ago some people in the newsroom started puzzles on a counter in the lunchroom. It’s a great idea for most of them. No doubt it helps them clear their minds for a few minutes before returning to writing and editing. Not for me. So as I pass by, I say hello but never stop walking. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this. 
Despite all of that, I have some great memories about puzzles. It’s fun to spend time doing children’s puzzles with my grandchildren, and those puzzles don’t require the con- centration or time needed to do 500 or 1,000 piece puzzles. 
When my wife and her brother were kids, sometimes they would take a piece and hide it so they could place the last piece. There’s something special about that honor. 
My mother loves to work on puzzles, so during visits many times there was a puzzle on the table. It always was a good way to have quality family conversations. My father, on the other hand, usually didn’t spend much time at the puzzle table, but he would stop occasionally, root around the pieces, finally place one and announce, “got one,” as he tapped on it several times to make sure it was firmly in place. 
Puzzles are great ways to spend time during rainy days and evenings at the shore. 
I’ve learned that it’s best to start with the border pieces, then group other pieces by color. The more challenging puzzles are borderless and have similar colors in various parts of the picture. It’s also more challenging if you put away the box that has the finished picture on the cover. 
As an experienced puzzler, I’ve also learned the importance of puzzle etiquette. You never reach across the table. You never work on someone else’s section unless you are invited. If you discover you and another person are working separately on the same section, offer your pieces to your fellow puzzler. Never move into another’s vacated spot unless you are sure that puzzler isn’t returning immediately. 
There is something satisfying about the puzzle when it finally is completed. Most times the finished puzzle sits on the table for a few hours or perhaps a day before it is broken into pieces and put back into its box for another day. For some, puzzles are a renewable challenge. 
Sometimes, however, we’ve taken completed puzzles, glued them with a special puzzle glue, and placed them in frames. 
For my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, 16 years ago, we had a puzzle made of their wedding photo. All of their children and grandchildren got together for a long weekend in cabins at a state park. No phones or television. Just quality family time. We all worked on the puzzle, which was then glued and framed as a memory of the weekend. 
So puzzles provide family time, memories, a sharper mind, a longer life and a distraction from work. Perhaps it’s time I set up the puzzle table again. 
On second thought, perhaps not. 

Friday, January 25, 2019

Don’t waste a single moment

The mystery of life is something we will not solve as long as we are living it. We struggle to understand why we are here and where we are going. We want to control the future – and we try so hard to do that – but in the end only so much of it is in our hands.
We can make choices of right and wrong – often depending on our individual perspectives – but the impact and influence of other people and the world itself are beyond our power.
So we adjust and change and hope that we will reach our dreams – or at least a few of our goals.
Sometimes the choices we make and the impact and influence of what surrounds us bring disappointment. We want everything to be perfect according to our own plan. That simply isn’t realistic.
Day after day, life goes on, but not always in ways we want or expect. And then, instead of loving life as it exists, we allow regrets and sadness to overwhelm us.
Life is too precious to waste. Each moment should be free of what-ifs.
We grow old too soon. Or at least before we are ready. When we are young, the end of life seems so far away. We get glimpses whenever someone close to us dies, but because our life continues so does the future.
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the world that we ignore the fact that all of what we have here is temporary. 
One of the saddest times of life is when we move from living independently to depending on others for most of our needs. We return to the way we lived as children, where others provide the care and make decisions for us. Although it’s sad, it’s also a part of life.
Last year I attended a family-day gathering at a nursing home. I saw residents in various stages of declining health. Some of them sleep most of their remaining hours. Most of their time is spent in isolation and loneliness in spite of the dedicated efforts of their care-givers and visits by family members.
I’ve thought about some of those people in my visits to that place. Some of them seem barely alive, some communicate even though they are limited physically, and others are somewhere in between, staring or smiling at those who walk by and hoping for a wave or a smile in return. A simple “hello” brings happiness to them because someone took a brief moment to connect and acknowledge that they still are part of this world.
I often wonder what these people were like when they were in control of their lives. When they had energy to work and cook and mow the lawn and hold children and drive. When they could be part of conversations, and when others actually were interested in what they had to say.
I wonder when they reached the point that they no longer could be on their own. When did they transition from communicating to sleeping during most of the day and night? When was their independence stripped away?
As I walk through the halls as a still healthy man with energy, I wonder if too soon I will be in the same state as some of these people. And if that happens, will I be a picture of emptiness, or will I be among those who still cherish every remaining breath. Will I know the peace that comes with enjoying and appreciating life until the very end?
What does all of this mean?
We need to love the life we have in the moment we are in it. We need to cherish those around us while we’re still together. We need to slow down and let the experience of each day wash over us and be thankful for every breath. We need to capture the memories of sunsets and mountains, of crying babies and laughing children, of the stories that the elderly share and then repeat over and over.
We need to cherish life while it’s here, because too soon it is over. And when a single life on earth ends, life for the rest of us will never be the same again.

Friday, January 18, 2019

Surviving the season of loneliness

I read an online posting awhile ago about a 90-year-old woman who put a letter on her neighbor’s door, asking for friendship.
I never am sure if these types of stories are true. Many are not. Sometimes parts of the stories are real but are changed or embellished to suit the purpose of the new writer or speaker.
These stories, real or fiction, can have value when they share a positive or encouraging message. Especially when they lead us to evaluate things in our own lives.
In this case, it’s a reminder – perhaps a wakeup call – for us about the need to be concerned about others in the world. Think about the people in this world who are alone. Some of them likely are in your own neighborhood. Some may be in your family.
We’re so busy living our own lives that too often we ignore the lives around us. We may fail to see the needs of others.
There are few things worse than loneliness, isolation and emptiness. Many of us have been there at some point, but some never leave that state.
This has been on my mind in recent weeks, because I consider this one of the saddest times of the year. The Christmas season is over and winter is in full swing. For some, that means a letdown. It’s cold outside, which means many of us spend more time indoors. That can lead to isolation. For some, bills are coming due.
Tensions in families can increase for extreme reasons. Perhaps we spend too much time too close to some and too little time with those who are far away. 
Some people worry about the snow because they must travel in it or because they face the work of clearing it.
Much of nature is dormant, which can diminish hope, even though we wouldn’t fully appreciate the renewal that comes with the arrival of spring if we hadn’t experienced the bitter cold of winter. Still, I’ve never enjoyed snow or cold weather. It’s a depressing time for me.
For many who are elderly and have lost many of their friends, or for those who have physical limitations, winter makes the isolation more pronounced. Their isolation increases because there is less exposure to other people in general.
Just as sad are the people who feel loneliness even when they are around others. I have experienced that at times during my life. It’s why I’ve kept my feelings to myself so often. Writing has helped me to overcome some of that. I’ve shared my opinions, beliefs and experiences, but many of my feelings still remain locked deep inside. It feels safer that way. Like many others there’s a risk of hurt when we open ourselves. So we keep our feelings private and are reluctant to reach out and communicate.
Isolation for extended time is not healthy, which is why I work to limit it. The biggest help has been reminding myself that I am never really alone. God is always with me. The love and compassion He gives to us needs to be an example of how we should treat others in the world.
Ironically, in reaching out to others, we also help ourselves. We need to share smiles, conversations and even hugs. We need to offer friendship to those who are suffering through loneliness that is greater than our own.
Forgive those who have hurt or offended us. Stop carrying the burdens that prevent us from connecting with others.
Cherish the time remaining with those close to us. Too soon it will be gone, and it can never be recovered.
If you know someone who is lonely, it’s easy to help. Talk to that person. Be a friend. Don’t wait for the person to leave a note at your door. 
And never forget that the hope that comes with spring always follows the depressing cold of winter.

Friday, January 11, 2019

Socks for Seniors warms feet and hearts

There’s a special connection between the Christmas season and stockings.
For several centuries, hanging stockings by the fireplace has been a tradition, most famously noted in Clement Clarke Moore’s story, “A Visit from St. Nicholas”:
“'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
“Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
“The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
“In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.”
I’m not sure why or where the practice began, but here is one of the popular legends, according to Smithsonian.com:
“A recently widowed man and father of three girls was having a tough time making ends meet. Even though his daughters were beautiful, he worried that their impoverished status would make it impossible for them to marry.
“St. Nicholas was wandering through the town where the man lived and heard villagers discussing that family’s plight. He wanted to help but knew the man would refuse any kind of charity directly. Instead, one night, he slid down the chimney of the family’s house and filled the girls’ recently laundered stockings, which happened to be drying by the fire, with gold coins. And then he disappeared.
“The girls awoke in the morning, overjoyed upon discovering the bounty. Because of St. Nick’s generosity, the daughters were now eligible to wed and their father could rest easy that they wouldn’t fall into lonely despair. “
It’s a very dated storyline, and I wonder how he slid down the chimney if there was a fire drying the stockings. But it’s interesting folklore. 
For some people in our community, stockings have another significance at this time of year. Socks for Seniors is one of the many collection and distribution programs in our area that help those in need. In this case, it’s the elderly in assisted living and retirement homes.
The local Socks for Seniors program is run by a couple who recently retired. I’d share their names, but they prefer to put the emphasis on the program and not on themselves. 
She started the local program four years ago. Last year he helped to sort and pack them. With his training completed, this year he became her official assistant. 
This is part of the national Socks for Seniors program, which was started in 2002 and is based in Columbus, Ohio.
Locally, socks are collected from late November through mid-December at the Wyomissing Family Restaurant and at the three Boscov’s stores in Berks County.
Hamid Chaudhry, who owns the restaurant, offers a gift of a half-dozen donuts, mini pie, loaf of bread or pint of soup to anyone who donates six pairs of socks at his restaurant. It’s one of many ways Hamid has supported programs and organizations in the area, which is why he is loved and respected by so many in our community.
The program also receives support from the Reading Eagle,which runs free advertisements about the collection, and WEEU radio, which promotes the collection on Mike Faust’s popular Feedback program.
In four years, they have collected more than 14,000 pairs of socks. It takes a lot of hours to set up the collection boxes and empty them several times so they can be refilled during the three-week collection period. 
The fun part for them is to see the variety of socks as they count and sort them into piles for men and women in her sunroom. Many of the socks are plain white or black. Some are thick and fuzzy. Others have designs and images, such as cats, frogs and flamingoes.
After the socks are collected, counted and sorted, they travel around the county, from mid-December through early January, to deliver bags of socks to retirement and nursing homes, non-profits and homeless shelters that serve elderly residents.
The rewarding part is knowing they will be helping our elderly neighbors to stay warm during the long winter. 
So this year, once again, stockings were collected and donated by the community with care in hopes that our seniors stay warm through the year.
It’s a program that’s not only feet-warming, but also heart-warming.