During the past 10 years, I’ve written hundreds of columns under the “Editor’s Notebook” and “Retired Editor’s Notebook” tags. Most of them were written during the evenings, early mornings or weekends while sitting at home. Although I never was asked or instructed by the Reading Eagle to write a column, writing became therapy for me during some difficult years. I made the columns available each week for about nine years to the newspaper, which ran them on the top of Page A2 on Sundays. I never knew when inspiration would strike me, but when it did, I found I needed to start writing immediately, or at least make some notes to come back to later. The following column from 2011 is a perfect example, which I wrote on my cellphone during a couple of sleepless hours in the middle of the night.
It’s 2:03 in the morning and my mind is racing. At a time when I should be refreshing, resting and replenishing, I can’t let go of the problems and concerns of yesterday and the anticipated issues and worries of tomorrow.
They consume me. They steal my energy. Daylight will come too soon, and I won’t be ready for it. The issues that keep my awake still will not be resolved, and I will face a day without my full strength and attention. Knowing that doesn’t help.
Have you been there? Can you relate?
Restless nights. The harder you try to sleep, the more impossible it becomes. You toss and turn, but the real problem is in your mind, which you can’t clear.
There are lots of aids and words of advice to help us through those difficult nighttime hours, everything from sleeping pills to prayer. I avoid the former. I often use the latter.
Yet, tonight, here I am.
It’s 2:11 now. The midnight monsters still haunt me.
I’ve read that getting up for an hour or so can help. I’ve also read that turning on lights or the television is the worst thing and that lying here and just resting is almost as good as sleep itself.
I used to keep a notepad and pen by the bed so I could write down thoughts and ideas instead of obsessing about whether or not I’d remember them in the morning.
Now there are times such as this when I will pick up my smartphone and clear my overnight emails, start to read the news online or even write a column. It’s a diversion and sometimes it helps. At least for the past 14 minutes it has occupied my thoughts.
Some might say my writing could be enough to put me back to sleep. I’m awake enough for a touch of humor.
I know I’m not alone. There have been numerous times when I’ve sent out emails to co-workers in the middle of the night so I wouldn’t forget something I need to share. There have been times when they’ve answered me within minutes. We commiserate the next day and sometimes laugh about it. I’m not sure why, because it’s really not amusing. Especially now.
Three more minutes have passed. It’s now 2:20.
2:21.
Finally I’m running out of things to write. Perhaps it’s time to file this away and see if sleep will claim me for a couple of hours.
2:23. Writing on an iPhone is slow and tedious. I’m pausing again. 2:24. I feel like I’m counting minutes instead of sheep. Maybe there’s something to that. Maybe it really does work.
It’s very quiet now. Too quiet. No traffic. No snoring at the moment. Strange. For the past 24 minutes I’ve forgotten about all the things that were racing through my mind and blocking sleep. Maybe this is really therapeutic. Maybe I’m onto something I can package and sell. Fortunately I’ve taken the time to write all of this down. Otherwise I likely would never remember.
2:30. I wonder if all my problems are solved or just have disappeared temporarily. Will they come back to me in the next half-hour?
I’m pausing again. The clock just turned to 2:32. I’m putting this away for now.
Good night. I hope ... .
3:35 is the last time I remember. Now it’s 5:45 and the alarm is ringing. Just 15 more minutes.
Why is it so hard to wake up?
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