Love always sees the beauty that is in you

I wrote this piece almost two years ago as encouragement for someone close to me. After hearing the related song played at an Alabama concert and overhearing someone quote the lyrics prior to a meeting the following week, I decided to share it in the Reading Eagle as a column for others who may need to know they are special to someone in the world. I’m sharing it again in honor of a special birthday.

You are so beautiful.

Not a day goes by that it’s not true. 

In my mind. 

And in the minds of others who know you. 

But especially to me. 

Joe Cocker sang the best-known version of the song written by Billy Preston and Bruce Fisher: 

“You’re everything I hope for.

“You’re everything I need.

“You are so beautiful to me.” 

I see it in real life whenever I look at you. 

Or whenever I think about you.

I see your beauty early in morning and late at night. 

I see it in the brightest sunshine or through the pouring rain. 

When the world around you is quiet, or when you’re in the midst of a crowd. 

When it’s cold, your smile warms me more than your touch. 

In the darkness, your face radiates light that helps me to see and understand what I could not have imagined. 

Your eyes sparkle in the precious times when you pause long enough to allow love to catch up to you. 

When you are stressed or cranky, I still see beauty. 

When you are angry, I still can find it in you. 

When you are sad or hurt, your beauty still shines through. 

To me. 

You look at your reflection and see what you believe are flaws. 

I don’t see them.

I can’t find them.

I see only beauty.

Why do you judge yourself so harshly?

So unfairly? 

You are a reflection of someone so much greater than any one of us. 

Someone who blessed you with that special beauty. 

You believe you are nothing special. 

You are.

Because you are you.

You’re not like everyone else.

That makes you special. 

You are so beautiful, but I would see beauty in you even if that weren’t true.

I see beauty in the gifts you share.

In the sacrifices you make.

I see beauty in the kindness that you show to so many others.

The joy you provide far outweighs the pain you sometimes believe you cause.

I feel sadness for the pain you accept to save others from suffering. 

I am captivated by your beauty during your many fast-paced hours. 

I watch you and see the beauty in your moments of intensity. 

Then, in the quiet of the evening, when you finally slow your frantic pace, I see beauty in your calmness. 

Many people understand words such as these that describe someone special in their life. 

They know that love takes root and thrives in happy times. 

They believe that real love doesn’t fade when things are difficult. 

Those are the times when love grows stronger. 

And so does your beauty. 

I am amazed by the beauty I see in you. 

I wish you could see it.

I wish you could believe it.

Someday I will convince you that it’s true.

I make that promise.

To you. 

Because...


“You are so beautiful. 

“To me.” 

A love story that began 70 years ago

I wrote this column two years ago and shared it with readers of the Reading Eagle newspaper. Originally headlined “A love story that began 68 years ago,” all of it remains true today. We are blessed to celebrate my parents’ 70^thwedding anniversary on this day.

It’s impossible to fully understand what makes two people fall in love. It may begin with a physical attraction. It may be as simple as a kind word or a silent locking of eyes. Some might point to destiny or divine intervention. 

It happens all the time, and I’m glad it does. Especially for one love story that officially began 68 years ago today. 

That was a time before cellphones, color television sets in every home and the realistic thought of landing a man on the moon. The relationship has survived and flourished through all of those milestones and many others. 

The reasons are simple: devotion, commitment and love that grows every day. 

Soon after she graduated from high school, they were married in the Sunday school chapel of their church because the sanctuary was being renovated. They went on a brief honeymoon in a car they borrowed from her father. In the beginning, they struggled, but they had each other. 

She was a dark-haired beauty. He was tall and thin with a pompadour.

He had dropped out of school to join the service at the end of World War II, then returned home to finish high school. It was during that time in the Army that he learned a photography skill that would be with him for the rest of his life.

After they married, he began a career as a newspaper photographer and reporter, and she became a full- time homemaker. They bought their first house in the mid-1950s. A decade later, they built their dream house, a brick rancher where they still live.

He turned 89 recently; she is 86. They remain independent and in their own home, mostly because they are too stubborn to move. 

Through those years they welcomed three children, 10 grandchildren and 17 great-grandchildren. 

There were many rough times, many obstacles, but they worked together. The love that would bind them together grew stronger with each challenge. 

“We had a lot of hard times, but we weathered it,” he says. 

“It wasn’t so bad,” she adds.

During those hard times they learned to appreciate what they had because they had worked so hard for it. There was little waste and limited extravagance, but they have shared a good life and have lots of memories.

In their retirement years – semi-retirement for him – they did some traveling together and grew even closer, including sharing the housework that for many years had fallen on her. Even now he seldom is seen without a camera, keeping busy with freelance work for several newspapers. Until recently, she always was sewing or knitting. 

Their calendar remains full, but many of their activities are doctor appointments. 

For all of their life together, they’ve been active in their church. It’s a shared faith that has given them direction and helped them to keep things in their lives in perspective. 

To reach 68 years of marriage, you must marry early in life and have good genes that lead to a long life. Her mother lived to 92, his to 102. 

They have grown old together, sharing the physical and memory challenges that come with aging. When they can’t remember a name or forget a word, they turn to each other for help. Sometimes the void frustrates both of them until much later when one of them blurts out the thought that had escaped them earlier. 

One of the difficulties of growing old is outliving most of your friends. At least they still have each other. They remain best friends. 

They’re not perfect, except perhaps in each other’s eyes. Isn’t that what’s important? 

When they celebrated their 50th anniversary, it was for a weekend with all of their children and grandchildren at cabins in a state park. For their 60th, they traveled to a bed- and-breakfast in Cape May with their children and their spouses. 

Today they likely will go to church, then lunch at a restaurant. Then perhaps the best part – a long afternoon nap. They have two years to rest before it’s time to celebrate their 70th. 

This special love story all began on June 25, 1949, and 32 ½ months later, I was born. 

Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad. 

My collection of fatherly advice

During the past 10 years, I’ve written several columns offering advice based on my experience in life. So in recognition of Father’s Day and as encouragement for recent graduates, here’s a compilation from those columns.

As a father, it’s been my responsibility to impart some wisdom to my children, even if they don’t always see it that way.

One of my favorite quotes was attributed to Mark Twain in a 1937 Reader’s Digest: “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” 

I framed the quote and used to have it on the wall in my study. 

Even though it’s not always sought, I have shared some advice that I’ve experienced or learned from others over the years. Such as:

■ Don’t go into debt for anything other than a house or a car, and don’t charge anything on a credit card you can’t pay off when the bill arrives.

■ Create an emergency fund and put it somewhere that’s not easy to access.

■ Find a job that provides good health care coverage – and keep it.

My children haven’t always listened to me, but they know the importance of those things.

Here are a few others that I’ve shared and strongly believe:

■ Don’t lie. Not only because it’s wrong, but because you almost always get caught. Even if you don’t, you live with the stress of worrying about getting caught.

■ Value and protect your reputation. It takes a long time to build it up and a moment to destroy it.

■ Do the right thing. It may not always be what you want or the most fun, but it will be the most satisfying.

■ Even if you do the right thing, people may lie about you or attack your reputation, but it’s still better than being lied about or attacked for doing the wrong thing. And your conscience will be a lot clearer.

■ Volunteer. The only way to make things better is to get involved.

■ Do things without looking for recognition or credit. Some of the people I admire most never get the recognition they deserve, which makes them even more deserving. Their motivation is genuine.

■ Help those less fortunate than yourself. That applies to all but one person at any one time on Earth.

■ When you are feeling well or when you are happy, stop for a minute and recognize it. We spend a lot of time dwelling on the times we are sick or unhappy. How often do we stop to bask in the happy or healthy moments?

■ Spend time with positive people. Their approach to life can be contagious.

■ Realize that your attitude and frame of mind make a difference in how you view the world and how the world views you.

■ Climb a mountain and enjoy the view. It’s only when you put the work into the trip that you will fully appreciate what you see.

■ Learn to be patient. Sometimes you need to invest a lot of time and effort in what you want, but you’ll appreciate it more than things that come quickly and easily.

■ Be realistic. It’s good to set lofty goals, but not to the point that you spend too much time fretting about your failure to reach them. Don’t get too carried away by your successes or too discouraged by your disappointments. Things can, and usually will, change tomorrow.

■ You are not the center of the universe. You are a part of it, but everything is not about you. So quit thinking about just yourself and what you want. Instead, focus on what others need and how you can help them. That will have a lasting impact on others. It also will have a big impact on you. 

■ Be on time. You are not so important that others should have to wait for you to start events or meetings. Reread the previous paragraph. 

■ Stop making excuses for what doesn’t go your way. If you want things to improve, take positive steps and work harder. 

■ Accept responsibility for your actions. People respect accountability far more than blame. 

■ Don’t consider every obstacle or setback a problem. Instead consider them opportunities to learn and grow.

■ Stop talking so much and start listening more. That will say a lot about how smart you really are. 

■ Bite your tongue. What you intend to say in anger won’t have a positive impact on the object of your frustration and likely will have a negative impact on you, as well. 

■ Be nice. Every day, say something nice to someone. Every week, do something nice for someone without wanting and expecting recognition or acknowledgement. 

■ People will judge you on how you act. They’ll remember you for how you treated others. Here’s a good exercise: Write your own epitaph. It might help you to determine how to live your life. 

■ Listen to those with experience. Chances are they already made the mistakes you’re about to make. But don’t be afraid to take chances. You probably will learn a more lasting lesson if you experience those same mistakes on your own. 

■ Find a good partner in life, then every day treat that person with respect and make that person your priority. 

■ Treat children as if they really matter, because they really do. 

■ Don’t lose patience with those who are very young or very old. Remember where you were. Consider where you’re heading.


■ Don’t wish your life away. Those things you couldn’t wait to get you’ll someday trade in a heartbeat for another … heartbeat.

■ If you really believe in something, live that way. 

■ If you see something that is clearly wrong, don’t create another wrong by ignoring it. 

■ When you’re excited or passionate about something, let it show. But it seldom works when you fake it or put on an act. People see right through false enthusiasm. 

■ Surround yourself with people who don’t always agree with you, then don’t rebuke them when they do what they’re expected to do. 

■ Friends are very important, but when you really need help there is nothing that matters more than family.

■ Forgive those who have hurt you. It will help you even more than them because it will lift the burden of anger that you carry.

■ Don’t take sports too seriously. For most, it’s only a game and should be fun.

■ Read. There’s not much better than a good book.

■ At least once, read the entire Bible. There’s no book better than the Good Book.

■ Pray. You won’t know how important it is until you’ve experienced it.

■ Listen to your mother. What more do I need to say?

Documenting the anatomy of a sleepless night

During the past 10 years, I’ve written hundreds of columns under the “Editor’s Notebook” and “Retired Editor’s Notebook” tags. Most of them were written during the evenings, early mornings or weekends while sitting at home. Although I never was asked or instructed by the Reading Eagle to write a column, writing became therapy for me during some difficult years. I made the columns available each week for about nine years to the newspaper, which ran them on the top of Page A2 on Sundays. I never knew when inspiration would strike me, but when it did, I found I needed to start writing immediately, or at least make some notes to come back to later. The following column from 2011 is a perfect example, which I wrote on my cellphone during a couple of sleepless hours in the middle of the night.

It’s 2:03 in the morning and my mind is racing. At a time when I should be refreshing, resting and replenishing, I can’t let go of the problems and concerns of yesterday and the anticipated issues and worries of tomorrow.

They consume me. They steal my energy. Daylight will come too soon, and I won’t be ready for it. The issues that keep my awake still will not be resolved, and I will face a day without my full strength and attention. Knowing that doesn’t help.

Have you been there? Can you relate?

Restless nights. The harder you try to sleep, the more impossible it becomes. You toss and turn, but the real problem is in your mind, which you can’t clear.

There are lots of aids and words of advice to help us through those difficult nighttime hours, everything from sleeping pills to prayer. I avoid the former. I often use the latter.

Yet, tonight, here I am.

It’s 2:11 now. The midnight monsters still haunt me.

I’ve read that getting up for an hour or so can help. I’ve also read that turning on lights or the television is the worst thing and that lying here and just resting is almost as good as sleep itself.

I used to keep a notepad and pen by the bed so I could write down thoughts and ideas instead of obsessing about whether or not I’d remember them in the morning.

Now there are times such as this when I will pick up my smartphone and clear my overnight emails, start to read the news online or even write a column. It’s a diversion and sometimes it helps. At least for the past 14 minutes it has occupied my thoughts.

Some might say my writing could be enough to put me back to sleep. I’m awake enough for a touch of humor.

I know I’m not alone. There have been numerous times when I’ve sent out emails to co-workers in the middle of the night so I wouldn’t forget something I need to share. There have been times when they’ve answered me within minutes. We commiserate the next day and sometimes laugh about it. I’m not sure why, because it’s really not amusing. Especially now.

Three more minutes have passed. It’s now 2:20.

2:21.

Finally I’m running out of things to write. Perhaps it’s time to file this away and see if sleep will claim me for a couple of hours.

2:23. Writing on an iPhone is slow and tedious. I’m pausing again. 2:24. I feel like I’m counting minutes instead of sheep. Maybe there’s something to that. Maybe it really does work. 

It’s very quiet now. Too quiet. No traffic. No snoring at the moment. Strange. For the past 24 minutes I’ve forgotten about all the things that were racing through my mind and blocking sleep. Maybe this is really therapeutic. Maybe I’m onto something I can package and sell. Fortunately I’ve taken the time to write all of this down. Otherwise I likely would never remember. 

2:30. I wonder if all my problems are solved or just have disappeared temporarily. Will they come back to me in the next half-hour? 

I’m pausing again. The clock just turned to 2:32. I’m putting this away for now.

Good night. I hope ... . 

3:35 is the last time I remember. Now it’s 5:45 and the alarm is ringing. Just 15 more minutes.

Why is it so hard to wake up? 

Recovery of another Eagle newspaper

Here is a must-read story for all of Berks County about the decline and recovery of an award-winning community newspaper. So much coincidence in this story from The Boston Globe about The Berkshire Eagle in Pittsfield, Mass.

Yes, another local newspaper called the Eagle. The similarities in the names of Berkshire County and Berks County. Family ownership that made a large investment, which was followed by economic problems.

The Berkshire Eagle bought and renovated an old mill to house the newspaper and other businesses in 1987, just as the stock market crashed. The Reading Eagle purchased a new printing press and built a distribution center in 2008, just as the great recession hit.

In both cases, serious financial problems resulted in the purchase of the company by MediaNews Group, formerly called Digital First Media, and now a subsidiary of New York hedge fund Alden Global Capital, which has “a track record of buying beleaguered papers and slashing costs to raise profits,” according to the story in The Boston Globe.

The Berkshire Eagle felt the effects of that model after its sale to MNG in 1995. The Reading Eagle is about to experience that after its recent bankruptcy purchase by the same MediaNews Group.

But in 2016, The Berkshire Eagle was purchased from MNG by a local group led by a retired judge, and now is having success in restoring a very important community asset.

Maybe there is hope for the Reading Eagle. Maybe someday.

https://www.bostonglobe.com/arts/2019/06/01/now-that-good-story-news-revival-berkshires/P5p5Sv5Qo7hFilBxagAF4M/story.html