Since I started writing my Editor’s Notebook column again several weeks ago, I have received numerous messages from long-time and new readers. Among the messages was this one from Angeline, who I met about a year ago and who last week wrote:
“You will never know how many people tell me how much they miss your weekly column but I am now sharing the new link with them.
“Thanks again for sharing but please remember you do not need to be under the pressure to write a weekly column. If you skip weeks and the link pops up we can still read how and what you are doing during retirement. So many people seek part time employment about six months when they retire. These retirees always state they miss the people. Please continue to enjoy your retirement while you are in good health.”
It was great advice, and I’m following it this week. My sister is visiting from the West Coast, so instead of taking time away from her and my brother-in-law, I’m sharing the following column I wrote after I visited them almost three years ago.
IF YOU WANT to know how well you will get along with someone, try a vacation together. I spent a long-overdue vacation week with a person who once was my annoying little sister. She’s all grown up now and not the least bit bratty. A lot has changed, but she’ll always be my little sister.
The week was everything a vacation should be: Tiring sightseeing, too much food (and some craft beers) and a few quiet afternoons and evenings sitting in the warm sun and communicating even when we had stopped talking.
That’s the way it can be with families, including with siblings who are separated by an entire continent and have far too little face time. All of those special years growing up together — times when we were too anxious to move away and pursue our individual lives — came rushing back when I walked through the airport terminal and saw her. She was literally jumping with joy. Who knew my visit could mean so much?
In reflection, maybe it’s our age and the realization that we never know how many tomorrows we will share that make those times so precious. I wasn’t really thinking of that all week, however. I just enjoyed our time together.
For a while as young children born two years apart, we were best friends. Perhaps that hasn’t changed. Through the years, we haven’t lost contact, but since she moved to the West Coast and I remained in the East, our visits are infrequent. There were times during our adult lives when our own families consumed each of us and there were long stretches without phone calls. We have talked more often during the past two years as my wife’s health faded. When my wife passed away in September, my sister and brother-in-law, along with the rest of my family, were here within days.
We continue to talk at least weekly. Some of it is to help and support me through the grieving process. We also talk with our baby brother as we consider the needs of our parents, who are in their late 80s.
That communication and these special family times show us who is important in our lives. It’s the same feeling I get every time I’m with my parents, my children, and especially when I’m with my grandchildren.
Vacations can be difficult, however, when you no longer have your partner to share the experience and then the memories when the trip is over. Revisiting this trip with my sister, her husband and their youngest daughter, who also was visiting, will have to wait until her next phone call or perhaps our next visit.
But it was an important step at this stage in my life, because I again was reminded of all the family members who still care.
It’s amazing and encouraging that as we age we still lean on those from early in our life. Those bonds that form never really are broken. Visits such as this one give us time to reconnect and reminisce. Most of the memories are good ones. We laughed as we told some stories that we’ve shared more times than we can count and others that we’d forgotten. We teased much as we did as children, but now there’s a special kindness and caring in what we say and do.
My sister was the one who started the family joke about my lack of appreciation for flamingoes, which developed into a large collection of ornaments, stuffed animals and decorations. She collects frog ornaments, so when I arrived at her home two weeks ago, she had a large blowup flamingo floating in the pool along with a smaller blowup frog. Strange as it seems, everywhere the flamingo went in the pool, the frog was right by its side. Some kind of irony there.
I returned home with memories of new experiences and a renewed confirmation that there are lots of family members who love me and will be there to help me through difficult times.
For parents who worry that their children can’t get along, there’s hope. Sometimes it takes 50 or 60 years to realize it.
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