Writings worth reading

If you’re looking for some quick and inspirational reading during this difficult time of confinement, this column I wrote 10 years ago points to several of my favorites. It wasn’t included in either of my books, so I hope you enjoy it now.

Keep in mind the names Adair Lara, Kent Keith and Mary Schmich. They are writers whose writings are worth reading.

If you’re like me and enjoy reading, you likely have a list of favorite books or articles. They are the stories you can’t forget. They are special memories.

What often happens, however, is that the authors of some articles are far more obscure than the articles. And worse, the work is sometimes credited to someone who didn’t write it. Or not credited at all.

That has become far more common since the explosion of the internet. People read an article, like it and pass it along to friends by way of email or blogs. And if they don’t know who wrote it, they simply attribute it to “source unknown” or “anonymous.”

Of course there are copyright laws, and as a newspaper editor, I value those laws. So I encourage you to obey them and give credit where credit is due.

For those copyright reasons, I can’t print complete copies of some of my favorite articles or columns that were written by people not employed by the Reading Eagle. But I can send you to online sites where you can read them.

I assure you they’re worth taking the time.

One of my favorites was a column headlined, “When Children Turn Into Cats.” It was written by Adair Lara, a columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle, in 1996.

I first read the article when it was reprinted in a magazine, and I still have that clipping. It was especially interesting at the time because my wife and I were still raising teenagers.

Lara’s take was that “while children are dogs, loyal and affectionate, teenagers are cats.” Her comparison is pretty sound:

“It’s so easy to be the owner of a dog. You feed it, train it, boss it around and it puts its head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. … Then, one day around age 13, your adoring little puppy turns into a big old cat. When you tell it to come inside, it looks amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor.”

Take the time to follow the link to her column. It has a happy ending. You can find it at https://www.sfgate.com/entertainment/article/ADAIR-LARA-When-Children-Turn-Into-Cats-2988639.php by Googling “When Children Turn Into Cats.”

There are two other excellent articles you may have read or heard about because they have been making their way around the internet for years — often with inaccurate attribution.

“The Paradoxical Commandments,” often referred to as “Anyway,” begin:

“People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.

“If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.”

You may have seen them attributed to Mother Teresa. In fact, they were written in 1968 by Dr. Kent M. Keith when he was 19 and a sophomore at Harvard. They were part of a booklet for high school student leaders, “The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council.”

You can read about The Paradoxical Commandments and Dr. Keith at www.paradoxicalcommandments.com

Perhaps one of the most famous wrongly attributed articles was “Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young.” You probably know it better as “Wear Sunscreen.” It made its rounds on the internet incorrectly credited as a commencement speech by Kurt Vonnegut at MIT in 1997.

It begins:

“Inside every adult lurks a graduation speaker dying to get out, some world-weary pundit eager to pontificate on life to young people who’d rather be Rollerblading. Most of us, alas, will never be invited to sow our words of wisdom among an audience of caps and gowns, but there’s no reason we can’t entertain ourselves by composing a Guide to Life for Graduates.

“I encourage anyone over 26 to try this and thank you for indulging my attempt. Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’97:

“Wear sunscreen.”

It actually was a column by Mary Schmich of the Chicago Tribune and was first published June 1, 1997. You can read it at https://www.chicagotribune.com/columns/chi-schmich-sunscreen-column-column.html or Google “Mary Schmich wear sunscreen.”

All three are great articles, worth reading and worth keeping. But they also are worth crediting properly. So thanks to Adair Lara, Kent Keith and Mary Schmich.

How are you? A great question if you mean it

I hope this worldwide health crisis will give a new emphasis and meaning to a question many of us often ask without really expecting an answer: “How are you?”

Our real concern about others in recent months has us asking about their health and well-being. In this difficult time of social distancing – and especially when the restrictions caused by the coronavirus pandemic have been eased – if you’re going to ask how someone is doing, really mean it. And then expect and pay attention to a genuine answer.

Here is a column I wrote nine years ago, when “How are you?” was a substitute for “Hello” for too many people.

The exchange goes much like this:

“Hello.”

Hi.

“How’re you doing?”

Fine. How are you?

“Fine.”

Perhaps it should continue:

That’s good.

“That’s good that it’s good.”

Etc.

It’s all with good intentions. But that sample conversation is among my pet peeves.

Many times, that exchange takes place when people are passing each other, sometimes without stopping. Sometimes it takes place without the thought of what is being said, or without even an interest.

If you’re going to ask that question — How are you? — do it because you want to know and are willing to wait for an honest answer.

Don’t ask it in passing or while looking away. If you ask the question, stop and expect a real answer. Otherwise, just stop at hello.

A woman who used to work for our company always would ask how I was doing when we would meet. Because she is a sweet person and someone with a good sense of humor, one time I responded to her question with a question: Do you really want to know?

And she genuinely did.

I explained to her my annoyance with people asking how someone is doing but not really wanting to know the answer. After that, “How’re you doing?” always was accompanied by an exchange of smiles and sometimes with genuine answers.

Don’t misunderstand: I think it’s great when people are interested in how others are feeling or how their day is going. But the question shouldn’t be a passing greeting.

I enjoyed the beer company commercial that aired a few years ago. An out-of-towner walks into a bar, and the others there greet him in a New Jersey accent, “How you doin’?” And much to their amazement, he responds, “Well thanks for askin’. I’m doin’ fine. Just got in today, my brother-in-law picked me up at the airport. …”

It was amusing because of their reaction to his answer. But also because it was so real. We can see ourselves in that conversation and the surprise that someone would actually answer a question from which we didn’t expect an answer.

The sad part is, it’s a breakdown in our society. We want to give the impression we’re interested, even if that’s not entirely true.

So the exchange becomes so rote that it’s tiring. We go through the motions.

The fault isn’t just with the person asking the disinterested question. It’s also with the person who answers.

Many times, we don’t want to burden others with our problems or concerns. So, “fine” is a safe answer. They don’t really need to know that I’m having a bad day, that I’m in pain or just had an argument with someone.

Although it’s not related to this subject, I’m reminded of a line Rod McKuen wrote in a poem “The Art of Catching Trains”: “Everybody has the answers or they’ll make them up for you. Just once I’d like to hear a brand-new question.”

I’d like to hear a question such as, “How is your day going? — I’m really interested.”

And then I’d like to hear a real answer.

So don’t stop asking the question, “How’re you doing?” When you ask it, mean it.

Learning and remembering lessons of life

      I originally shared this column in 2014 during a difficult time in my life. Much of it seems appropriate to share again in this difficult time for most of us.

I remember hearing someone say, “I learn something every day and will till the day I die.” Since I can’t remember where or when, it must have been one of those times when I was talking to myself. My wife says I do that. Even if she is correct — and I’m not saying she’s not — I certainly never answer myself. But I do listen to what I say, even if no one else does.

Besides, I truly believe that statement.

Anyway, here are a few things I have learned or been reminded of in the past few weeks. It really doesn’t matter how I classify them, because if I needed to be reminded, I probably should have learned them better in the first place.

Doctors really care about the patients they treat. Most aren’t driven by money. They work long hours under a lot of expectations and stress. Many take the time to explain things over and over until patients and family members with no medical background can understand.

Nurses are unsung heroes. They care for people around the clock, and most do it with a smile. Even though it may not be good for them to get attached to those they treat, many can’t avoid it. That’s because they care. It’s easy to see. They are forgiving when patients are in pain and sometimes don’t show appreciation or get very angry. They are patient when patients hit the call button frequently. They help to maintain dignity for people who are placed in undignified or embarrassing situations.

Family members are the most important people in our lives. Regardless of how much they get annoyed with each other, when there are problems, most of them come together to assist and support.

There is no substitute for the power of prayer. Whether it’s a small group of family members or 5,000 Bernardine Franciscan nuns who spread the word, it makes a difference.

I’m not in charge. There are things out of my control. Sometimes when I am willing to accept that, things improve. Sometimes they don’t. That’s a test of my faith.

Things happen that we don’t always understand. That’s just a part of life.

Hard times in life are experiences that can make us stronger. How we handle them often serves as an example for others. We may not even know who is impacted by what we do, but our approach definitely makes a difference in a positive or negative way. So, even though it’s often difficult, I try to choose positive.

It’s amazing how far we can push ourselves when we want to or have to. Eventually, however, it catches up. That’s when we need the family members mentioned earlier.

Crises tend to cause us to review and reorder our priorities. It’s unfortunate it takes a crisis.

When you need help or support, you need to tell people or ask for it. They can’t understand or help if they aren’t aware.

Never give up hope. Sometimes when things look the darkest, new light shines. And giving up hope admits defeat before it occurs.

Technology can be a wonderful thing. It helps us to stay connected. It helps us to communicate. That can include social media. For all the bad that comes with it, there are many benefits if we choose to use it in the right way.

Snow and ice come at the most inconvenient times. I’m not sure what a convenient time would be, but since it’s another of those things I can’t control, I just have to accept it and shovel or chop.

People love to see their name in a printed newspaper. Last week, I spoke at the Seniors College at Alvernia University about the future of newspapers. During an interesting and engaging question-and-answer period, one woman asked if I planned to mention the group in my column.

I just did.

I’ve also learned that it never hurts to keep your readers happy.

Writing, reading and sharing

For almost 10 years, I wrote an Editor’s Notebook column that I allowed the Reading Eagle to publish each week in the Sunday newspaper. Since I retired two years ago, I’ve been writing and posting my columns – new ones and reruns – on my Retired Editor’s Notebook blog.

I continue writing because of the response from readers who share that they are encouraged, inspired and entertained by my columns.

So, if you are looking for something to do during this time of self-isolation because of the coronavirus pandemic, I invite you to read my columns and share the link with anyone who might enjoy them or find them helpful.

Stay safe.

https://retirededitorsnotebook.blogspot.com