Don’t waste a single moment

The mystery of life is something we will not solve as long as we are living it. We struggle to understand why we are here and where we are going. We want to control the future – and we try so hard to do that – but in the end only so much of it is in our hands.

We can make choices of right and wrong – often depending on our individual perspectives – but the impact and influence of other people and the world itself are beyond our power.

So we adjust and change and hope that we will reach our dreams – or at least a few of our goals.

Sometimes the choices we make and the impact and influence of what surrounds us bring disappointment. We want everything to be perfect according to our own plan. That simply isn’t realistic.

Day after day, life goes on, but not always in ways we want or expect. And then, instead of loving life as it exists, we allow regrets and sadness to overwhelm us.

Life is too precious to waste. Each moment should be free of what-ifs.

We grow old too soon. Or at least before we are ready. When we are young, the end of life seems so far away. We get glimpses whenever someone close to us dies, but because our life continues so does the future.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the world that we ignore the fact that all of what we have here is temporary. 

One of the saddest times of life is when we move from living independently to depending on others for most of our needs. We return to the way we lived as children, where others provide the care and make decisions for us. Although it’s sad, it’s also a part of life.

Last year I attended a family-day gathering at a nursing home. I saw residents in various stages of declining health. Some of them sleep most of their remaining hours. Most of their time is spent in isolation and loneliness in spite of the dedicated efforts of their care-givers and visits by family members.

I’ve thought about some of those people in my visits to that place. Some of them seem barely alive, some communicate even though they are limited physically, and others are somewhere in between, staring or smiling at those who walk by and hoping for a wave or a smile in return. A simple “hello” brings happiness to them because someone took a brief moment to connect and acknowledge that they still are part of this world.

I often wonder what these people were like when they were in control of their lives. When they had energy to work and cook and mow the lawn and hold children and drive. When they could be part of conversations, and when others actually were interested in what they had to say.

I wonder when they reached the point that they no longer could be on their own. When did they transition from communicating to sleeping during most of the day and night? When was their independence stripped away?

As I walk through the halls as a still healthy man with energy, I wonder if too soon I will be in the same state as some of these people. And if that happens, will I be a picture of emptiness, or will I be among those who still cherish every remaining breath. Will I know the peace that comes with enjoying and appreciating life until the very end?

What does all of this mean?

We need to love the life we have in the moment we are in it. We need to cherish those around us while we’re still together. We need to slow down and let the experience of each day wash over us and be thankful for every breath. We need to capture the memories of sunsets and mountains, of crying babies and laughing children, of the stories that the elderly share and then repeat over and over.

We need to cherish life while it’s here, because too soon it is over. And when a single life on earth ends, life for the rest of us will never be the same again.

Surviving the season of loneliness

I read an online posting awhile ago about a 90-year-old woman who put a letter on her neighbor’s door, asking for friendship.

I never am sure if these types of stories are true. Many are not. Sometimes parts of the stories are real but are changed or embellished to suit the purpose of the new writer or speaker.

These stories, real or fiction, can have value when they share a positive or encouraging message. Especially when they lead us to evaluate things in our own lives.

In this case, it’s a reminder – perhaps a wakeup call – for us about the need to be concerned about others in the world. Think about the people in this world who are alone. Some of them likely are in your own neighborhood. Some may be in your family.

We’re so busy living our own lives that too often we ignore the lives around us. We may fail to see the needs of others.

There are few things worse than loneliness, isolation and emptiness. Many of us have been there at some point, but some never leave that state.

This has been on my mind in recent weeks, because I consider this one of the saddest times of the year. The Christmas season is over and winter is in full swing. For some, that means a letdown. It’s cold outside, which means many of us spend more time indoors. That can lead to isolation. For some, bills are coming due.

Tensions in families can increase for extreme reasons. Perhaps we spend too much time too close to some and too little time with those who are far away. 

Some people worry about the snow because they must travel in it or because they face the work of clearing it.

Much of nature is dormant, which can diminish hope, even though we wouldn’t fully appreciate the renewal that comes with the arrival of spring if we hadn’t experienced the bitter cold of winter. Still, I’ve never enjoyed snow or cold weather. It’s a depressing time for me.

For many who are elderly and have lost many of their friends, or for those who have physical limitations, winter makes the isolation more pronounced. Their isolation increases because there is less exposure to other people in general.

Just as sad are the people who feel loneliness even when they are around others. I have experienced that at times during my life. It’s why I’ve kept my feelings to myself so often. Writing has helped me to overcome some of that. I’ve shared my opinions, beliefs and experiences, but many of my feelings still remain locked deep inside. It feels safer that way. Like many others there’s a risk of hurt when we open ourselves. So we keep our feelings private and are reluctant to reach out and communicate.

Isolation for extended time is not healthy, which is why I work to limit it. The biggest help has been reminding myself that I am never really alone. God is always with me. The love and compassion He gives to us needs to be an example of how we should treat others in the world.

Ironically, in reaching out to others, we also help ourselves. We need to share smiles, conversations and even hugs. We need to offer friendship to those who are suffering through loneliness that is greater than our own.

Forgive those who have hurt or offended us. Stop carrying the burdens that prevent us from connecting with others.

Cherish the time remaining with those close to us. Too soon it will be gone, and it can never be recovered.

If you know someone who is lonely, it’s easy to help. Talk to that person. Be a friend. Don’t wait for the person to leave a note at your door. 

And never forget that the hope that comes with spring always follows the depressing cold of winter.

Socks for Seniors warms feet and hearts

There’s a special connection between the Christmas season and stockings.

For several centuries, hanging stockings by the fireplace has been a tradition, most famously noted in Clement Clarke Moore’s story, “A Visit from St. Nicholas”:

“'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

“Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

“The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

“In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.”

I’m not sure why or where the practice began, but here is one of the popular legends, according to Smithsonian.com:

“A recently widowed man and father of three girls was having a tough time making ends meet. Even though his daughters were beautiful, he worried that their impoverished status would make it impossible for them to marry.

“St. Nicholas was wandering through the town where the man lived and heard villagers discussing that family’s plight. He wanted to help but knew the man would refuse any kind of charity directly. Instead, one night, he slid down the chimney of the family’s house and filled the girls’ recently laundered stockings, which happened to be drying by the fire, with gold coins. And then he disappeared.

“The girls awoke in the morning, overjoyed upon discovering the bounty. Because of St. Nick’s generosity, the daughters were now eligible to wed and their father could rest easy that they wouldn’t fall into lonely despair. “

It’s a very dated storyline, and I wonder how he slid down the chimney if there was a fire drying the stockings. But it’s interesting folklore. 

For some people in our community, stockings have another significance at this time of year. Socks for Seniors is one of the many collection and distribution programs in our area that help those in need. In this case, it’s the elderly in assisted living and retirement homes.

The local Socks for Seniors program is run by a couple who recently retired. I’d share their names, but they prefer to put the emphasis on the program and not on themselves. 

She started the local program four years ago. Last year he helped to sort and pack them. With his training completed, this year he became her official assistant. 

This is part of the national Socks for Seniors program, which was started in 2002 and is based in Columbus, Ohio.

Locally, socks are collected from late November through mid-December at the Wyomissing Family Restaurant and at the three Boscov’s stores in Berks County.

Hamid Chaudhry, who owns the restaurant, offers a gift of a half-dozen donuts, mini pie, loaf of bread or pint of soup to anyone who donates six pairs of socks at his restaurant. It’s one of many ways Hamid has supported programs and organizations in the area, which is why he is loved and respected by so many in our community.

The program also receives support from the Reading Eagle,which runs free advertisements about the collection, and WEEU radio, which promotes the collection on Mike Faust’s popular Feedback program.

In four years, they have collected more than 14,000 pairs of socks. It takes a lot of hours to set up the collection boxes and empty them several times so they can be refilled during the three-week collection period. 

The fun part for them is to see the variety of socks as they count and sort them into piles for men and women in her sunroom. Many of the socks are plain white or black. Some are thick and fuzzy. Others have designs and images, such as cats, frogs and flamingoes.

After the socks are collected, counted and sorted, they travel around the county, from mid-December through early January, to deliver bags of socks to retirement and nursing homes, non-profits and homeless shelters that serve elderly residents.

The rewarding part is knowing they will be helping our elderly neighbors to stay warm during the long winter. 

So this year, once again, stockings were collected and donated by the community with care in hopes that our seniors stay warm through the year.

It’s a program that’s not only feet-warming, but also heart-warming.