Find the peace that passes all understanding

The stories were published on Page A5 in the Reading Eagle three days apart. It’s too bad they didn’t run together. That might have helped more people to associate the importance of religion and the impact it can have on their happiness.

Of course, people would have to read the newspaper to get that message. That’s a whole other story about the decline of our society. But these two stories tell an important and disturbing message about where society is heading.

The story that was published in the Good Friday edition was headlined “Poll: Church membership plummets over 20 years.” The headline in the Easter Monday edition was “Study: Happiness found in religion.”

Put them together and you could conclude that people are less happy these days and could change that by making religion a priority in their lives. The separate reports by the Gallup Poll and the Pew Research Center don’t draw that conclusion, but I do.

According to an Associated Press story on the Gallup Poll:

“The percentage of U.S. adults who belong to a church or other religious institution has plunged by 20 percentage points over the past two decades, hitting a low of 50% last year, according to a new Gallup poll. Among major demographic groups, the biggest drops were recorded among Democrats and Hispanics.

“Gallup said church membership was 70% in 1999 — and close to or higher than that figure for most of the 20th century. Since 1999, the figure has fallen steadily, while the percentage of U.S. adults with no religious affiliation has jumped from 8% to 19%.

“Among Americans identifying with a particular religion, there was a sharp drop in church membership among Catholics — dropping from 76% to 63% over the past two decades as the church was buffeted by clergy sex-abuse scandals. Membership among Protestants dropped from 73% to 67% percent over the same period.

“Among Hispanic Americans, church membership dropped from 68% to 45% since 2000, a much bigger decline than for non-Hispanic white and black Americans.

“There was a big discrepancy over that 20-year period in regard to political affiliation: Church membership among Democrats fell from 71% to 48%, compared to a more modest drop from 77% to 69% among Republicans.”

The Pew study, released about three months ago, focused on more than two dozen countries, including the United States. It found that “people who regularly attend a house of worship are more likely to be happy and civically engaged than those who do not,” but it did not find a significant different between religiously “actives” and “non-actives” when it came to exercise and maintaining a healthy weight.

Here are the five basic findings from that study:

■ “Actively religious people are more likely than their less-religious peers to describe themselves as ‘very happy’ in about half of the countries surveyed. Sometimes the gaps are striking: In the U.S., for instance, 36% of the actively religious describe themselves as ‘very happy,’ compared with 25% of the inactively religious and 25% of the unaffiliated. Notable happiness gaps among these groups also exist in Japan, Australia and Germany.

■ “There is not a clear connection between religiosity and the likelihood that people will describe themselves as being in ‘very good’ overall health. Even after controlling for factors that might affect the results, such as age, income and gender, there are only three countries out of the 26 where the actively religious are likely to report better health than everyone else – the U.S., Taiwan and Mexico. Religiously active people also don’t seem to be any healthier by two other, more specific measures: obesity and frequency of exercise.

■ “At the same time, the actively religious are generally less likely than the unaffiliated to smoke and drink. Religions often frown on certain unhealthy behaviors, and that tendency seems reflected in data on smoking and drinking. In all but two of 19 countries for which data are available, the actively religious are less likely than the unaffiliated to smoke, and, in all but one country, less likely than the inactively religious to do so. The actively religious also tend to drink less, although the findings are not as stark: In 11 of the 19 countries, people who attend services at least monthly are less likely than the rest of the population to drink several times a week.

■ “People who attend religious services at least monthly often are more likely than ‘nones’ to join other types of (nonreligious) organizations, such as charities and clubs. This is true in eight of the 26 countries surveyed. And in 12 countries, the religiously active are more likely than inactively religious people to join nonreligious groups. In the U.S., for example, 58% of actively religious people are also involved in at least one nonreligious voluntary organization, compared with just 51% of the inactively religious and 39% of the unaffiliated.

■ “The actively religious generally are more likely than others to vote. In Spain, 83% of the actively religious report that they always vote in national elections, compared with 62% of inactives and 53% of the unaffiliated. In the U.S., 69% of the actively religious say they always vote, compared with 59% of inactives and 48% of the unaffiliated. In fact, there are no countries in which the actively religious are significantly less likely to vote than others. Countries where there are no significant differences in voting patterns by religion include Brazil, the Netherlands and New Zealand, as well as several other countries where voting is mandatory.”

The information doesn’t suggest that the religiously actives are better people, but they are more involved and happier, according to the study. 

For me, there’s a bigger concern beyond increasing our own happiness. The decline of religion is having and will continue to have a negative impact on society as a whole. 

I believe our own happiness never is the result of taking care of ourselves; it results from the good we do in the world – taking care of others. That includes the spiritual as well as physical care of people and is among the reasons organized religion is important.

The decline of church involvement reducess church teaching, and the decline of that teaching will have a negative impact on all of us.

I know of young families that have no interest in being part of the church. Some of them see the major celebrations of the church – Christmas and Easter – as secular holidays. Their children grow up with little to no awareness of the true meanings of those important church events. They learn to know those observances as generic holidays focusing on presents and mythical figures instead of the real person who is at the center of Christmas and Easter.

Others are interested enough to attend church on those two days, but then fail to find time to take part in the worship and mission of church during the rest of the year.

Too many of us are too caught up in the “me time” of our lives. We fail to volunteer, donate and serve others in need. Too many of us seek happiness in areas other than the work of the church, in spite of what we can learn from the Pew research.

Churches aren’t alone in the loss of involvement. Most volunteer-based community organizations and many non-profits also are struggling for support, both in time and monetary donations. 

Those trends are not encouraging, but it’s not hopeless because many people continue to support and encourage the work of the church and charities in our communities. 

For example, the Reading Berks Council of Churches, which held its annual prayer breakfast last week, has launched Transformative Solutions, an effort to battle poverty in the city of Reading. It hopes to improve neighborhoods and quality of life by starting with one section of the city – south of Penn – and expanding into other areas. It’s a good start, but it will take time and commitment from a growing group of people.

RBCC isn’t the only community organization focused on doing good for others. The problem with many of these efforts, however, remains the lack of interest and involvement from younger generations. 

Throughout my life I have believed and experienced that the more we give, the more we receive. The more we care about others, the more others care about us.

That’s where the church comes in. It’s not just a place to gather. It’s a place to spread hope and share joys and suffering. It’s a place to provide education about God’s plan for this world. 

It’s a place to help people find the peace that passes all understanding.

The church has its faults. The sex-abuse scandal, most notably in the Roman Catholic Church, has damaged the church’s reputation as a safe haven. Many mainstream Protestant churches have failed to communicate with the younger generations. The primary message – God’s saving grace – should not change, but the delivery of that message must be in a language and style that the people in need understand and can relate to.

We have to connect so we can share the good news.

Some people may get message as they get older. Others may never get it. Either way there is a loss for themselves and for the rest of us.

When our life is nearing its end, what will have mattered most? It will be family. It will be the love we showed to others. Mostly, it will be how well we followed God’s words and did His work on Earth.

Cruising through a vacation

A relaxing day in the Caribbean.

Traveling does more than provide a break from your daily routine. It also allows you to learn about other parts of the world and see and interact with new people. In the process, you collect memories.

I recently returned from my third cruise in three years. Cruising wasn’t something I dreamed of doing years ago, but it is an easy way to visit places far from home. Like many people, I looked forward to traveling during retirement. My wife is not as excited about leaving home, mainly because she hates to pack and she misses our cat.

One of the benefits of cruising is that you have the same room for the duration of your trip, so there is no continual unpacking and packing or living out of a suitcase. Of course, there also is continually changing scenery, lots of food, a variety of entertainment and numerous decks and stairs to walk so you can burn calories from all of that food.

Here is a collection of observations from our recent trip to the Panama Canal.

It’s interesting to watch the people who become part of your temporary community. Some faces you notice numerous times during the trip; others you may see once. Sometimes you remember them because of the way they dress; others because of how they act or interact.

The first people we met were a couple named Marie and Doug from Canada. Marie introduced herself during breakfast at the hotel before the cruise after she noticed that we had prayed before we ate. We have prayed before meals since we started to date. We noticed numerous other couples and groups who also paused to pray before eating. Seeing that gives me hope for the future of this world.

Cargo ships going through the locks of the Panama Canal.

On the morning when we entered the first lock of the canal, most people were up early to get a good viewing spot on the front of the ship. We moved around to see the canal from different vantage points.

At one point, we were at the front, when a woman behind us asked me to move. She was sitting on a deck box about 10 feet from the front railing where others were standing. She told me I was too tall and she couldn’t see. I offered to let her stand in front of me, but she rejected that and wanted a clear view from her seat. I wasn’t the only one in her way, but I found it interesting that I was the target of height discrimination.

We saw what appeared to be several May-December romances – young women with much older men. Of course, those types of conclusions aren’t always accurate. A couple of years ago, I traveled with my sister, her husband and their daughter to Alaska. When the four of us were together, my niece and I sometimes were the target of stares. Some older women looked with disapproval. Some older men looked with apparent jealousy. Knowing the truth, my family found it all amusing.

Toward the end of this cruise, we took a behind-the-scenes tour of the ship. We saw normally off-limits areas, including the bridge, laundry, engineering, kitchen, food storage, water and sanitation areas and even the morgue. That’s just a part of a community when many of the people are elderly. On this trip, it was used to keep the flowers fresh.

Any time you’re with a tour group, there always is one person who seems to be the center of attention. Sometimes it’s someone who wants to be a comedian and interact one-on-one with the guide. Other times it’s a person who asks more questions than anyone wants to know. On this tour, it was a man named Alvin, who probably was about my age. His first of many observations was how much the tour cost. I kept thinking about the Chipmunks (Alvin, Simon and Theodore) and was waiting for someone named Dave to scream “Alvin” in frustration.

On that tour, I found it interesting that in some ways the lower deck of the ship reminded me of the lower floor of a newspaper press room, where there is a lot of storage and less decoration.

Perhaps the most interesting person we saw was an elderly woman, who sat alone every night in the dining room. We wondered if that was by choice or circumstance, so we asked the maître-d. He said she is a member of the “president’s club” of frequent cruisers. All the waiters seemed to know her and stopped to talk. Every evening her table was set in advance with four breadsticks as an appetizer.

Halfway through the cruise, we stopped to ask if she’d like to join us for dinner. She politely refused and said she enjoys her time alone. But she chatted for a few minutes and recommended a show on the ship. She shared that she is from New York and was on this ship for 52 days. I would have loved to have heard her story, but we didn’t want to interfere with her privacy. We did stop briefly to say hello during the next few nights.

When I see people like her, I’m intrigued by what might be their interesting life stories. Sometimes those stories aren’t meant to be shared regardless of how fascinating they might be.

I thought it was interesting where some of the onboard programs were held. As expected, the “morning stretch” was in the fitness center. However, “Pain management workshop” and “How to look 20 years younger” were held in the Pinnacle Bar. Some irony there.

Cable cars gave us a view of the rain forest.

This was a 10-day cruise, and that seemed to be a perfect length for us, especially when it included several days at sea to simply relax. 

Most people know that a big part of cruising is all the food, especially at the buffets. It’s easy to gain weight, so we make sure to walk the decks frequently and to always use the stairs instead of the elevators. That means I don’t have to pass on the amazing sticky buns every morning. We try not to give into temptation and eat too much because of all the food that’s available. Some people aren’t as disciplined and overeat because they can. I gai

ned only three pounds on the trip.

It’s always nice when the weather cooperates, and this trip was a good one. It rained one day at sea on the way home and during our tour through the rain forest in Costa Rica. It wouldn’t have seemed right not to have rain in a rain forest.

Perhaps one of the best parts about this vacation was knowing that when we came home we wouldn’t have to go back to work. Retirement provides a wonderful way to recover from a traveling vacation.

Some family bonds never really broken

With my sister in Southern California in 2016.

I returned home two days ago after a vacation from my busy retirement life. Here is a post-vacation column I wrote three years ago.

If you want to know how well you will get along with someone, try a vacation together. I spent a long-overdue vacation week with a person who once was my annoying little sister. She’s all grown up now and not the least bit bratty. A lot has changed, but she’ll always be my little sister. 

The week was everything a vacation should be: tiring sightseeing, too much food (and some craft beers) and a few quiet afternoons and evenings sitting in the warm sun and communicating even when we had stopped talking. 

That’s the way it can be with families, including with siblings who are separated by an entire continent and have far too little face time. All of those special years growing up together — times when we were too anxious to move away and pursue our individual lives — came rushing back when I walked through the airport terminal and saw her. She was literally jumping with joy. Who knew my visit could mean so much? 

In reflection, maybe it’s our age and the realization that we never know how many tomorrows we will share that make those times so precious. I wasn’t really thinking of that all week, however. I just enjoyed our time together. 

For a while as young children born two years apart, we were best friends. Perhaps that hasn’t changed. Through the years, we haven’t lost contact, but since she moved to the West Coast and I remained in the East, our visits are infrequent. There were times during our adult lives when our own families consumed each of us and there were long stretches without phone calls. We have talked more often during the past two years as my wife’s health faded. When my wife passed away in September, my sister and brother-in-law, along with the rest of my family, were here within days. 

We continue to talk at least weekly. Some of it is to help and support me through the grieving process. We also talk with our baby brother as we consider the needs of our parents, who are in their late 80s. 

That communication and these special family times show us who is important in our lives. It’s the same feeling I get every time I’m with my parents, my children, and especially when I’m with my grandchildren. 

Flamingo and frog bonding time.

Vacations can be difficult, however, when you no longer have your partner to share the experience and then the memories when the trip is over. Revisiting this trip with my sister, her husband and their youngest daughter, who also was visiting, will have to wait until her next phone call or perhaps our next visit. 

But it was an important step at this stage in my life, because I again was reminded of all the family members who still care. 

It’s amazing and encouraging that as we age we still lean on those from early in our life. Those bonds that form never really are broken. Visits such as this one give us time to reconnect and reminisce. Most of the memories are good ones. We laughed as we told some stories that we’ve shared more times than we can count and others that we’d forgotten. We teased much as we did as children, but now there’s a special kindness and caring in what we say and do. 

My sister was the one who started the family joke about my lack of appreciation for flamingos, which developed into a large collection of ornaments, stuffed animals and decorations. She collects frog ornaments, so when I arrived at her home two weeks ago, she had a large blowup flamingo floating in the pool along with a smaller blowup frog. Strange as it seems, everywhere the flamingo went in the pool, the frog was right by its side. Some kind of irony there. 

I returned home with memories of new experiences and a renewed confirmation that there are lots of family members who love me and will be there to help me through difficult times. 

For parents who worry that their children can’t get along, there’s hope. Sometimes it takes 50 or 60 years to realize it.